Saturday, December 27, 2008


The people among you who live in Thailand will know what I talk about now. Even though we may be horribly annoyed at some of the peculiarities of living in the Kingdom, there’s always a surprise moment just around the corner that will amaze us to the point of us forgetting all the negatives and annoyances.

I had such a moment recently when I went to massage. Whenever I feel that my neck is a bit tense, I go to the massage place down the road. It’s kinda huge and like a temple and it’s not a sexy one. It’s not quite cheap but the quality has convinced me every time. This time, a lady from Petchabun province got to “honour” to massage the young farang. It was a rather fun and a really astonishing time. Miss Petchabun soon found out that I can speak Thai (some at least) so she started to talk, which annoyed me at first. After a felt 30 seconds and the usual questions, we already reached the topic of boyfriends/girlfriends. I don’t know why the Thais love this topic so much but at least it’s within my vocabulary. I said I have someone from Korea. She then went on to say how pretty Korean ladies are, to which I replied that I have a BOYfriend who is a man. She giggled and apologised. “soryyyyyy” Miss Petchabun was quite surprised that I am just with THIS guy and I don’t have other boyfriends...but then no wonder she is surprised because even she has a boyfriend here (apart from the hubby in her home province– a guard at my condo!!!! But that was not it. Miss Petchabun then started talking about gay things – or rather people. Her son, 10 years old was apparently gay. She told me that he is already behaving like a queen and that he likes to go to the men’s shower and toilet and watch them. Also, he loves to touch a man’s ass. Amazingly, miss petchabun found this totally ok and normal – she seemed very proud of her son! Then, Miss Petchabun went on to say that she has a gay nephew with a French boyfriend here in Bangkok. Then, she also has a younger brother, who has 3 boyfriends, from Germany, USA and Switzerland. The Swiss one comes to Thailand twice a year and built a house for Petchabun. She couldn’t emphasise more clearly that the Germans and Americans are Jai dam(black heart) but that the Swiss is jai dee (good heart). Apparently, a house is the least their family expect from a farang boyfriend not to be called “black heart”. The Swiss one, she said really only loves her brother because he is taking good care of him. Well, I am sure that’s no news for many of you who read this blog but I am surely surprised every time when I see just how different the meaning of “love” can be...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Christmas for me isnt what it used to be. At home we used to celebrate three times, one time with mum, dad and my two brothers, then with my dad's family often with guests from the other side of the world and then with my mum's family. It was always great fun (for me), especially the contrasts between my dad's family (lots of chaos, silly presents and bad food) and my mum's family (ultra-planned, every grandchild gets 1500bht (40US$) worth of presents and the food had been the same for the last 60 years).

Xmas at Siam Paragon. Dont ask me what Thai girls throwing some middle-ages style flags in the air has to do with Christmas.

Since I moved away from home, it meant less and less to me. Sometimes I would celebrate half-heartedly with my bf and sometimes I would be with my aunty. Now in Bangkok it's not too different. Strangely it reminds me more of Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere than in the Southern. It is rather cool (well...sorta) and there are no silly bbq's on the beach. Otherwise, I must say, Christmas here is actually a lot more honest than in the christian "west". It's about shopping, holidays and the lights. I think that's what it's mostly about in the "west" too, only that of course there are more serious christians who celebrate it for what it originally meant. From that point of view, I really enjoy christmas here. I am not a believer in the gospel so it always used to be about the family and a bit about the snow (which never came) and the romantic athmosphere. I miss that. But then again, for 5 years I had heat and bbq's and hardly any family so I forgot the feeling.
Xmas here must also be the flirting season. Additional to the clothes salesguy and the temple man, I had intense eye-contact with a Chinese über-cool tourist with two fag-hags and the clothes salesguy from "keven" in Siam Centre. I dont know what I am doing wrong (or right)...I think it has to do with my newfound, much more manly and adult looks.

Xmas at Siam Paragon

As I was talking about the meaning of Xmas, I cant not write about what the Pope said the other day when he was talking to his dear followers in the Vatican. I am tolerant of all religions and think they are a great thing if they enrich people but I have no respect for the pope. He said that that the church should "protect man from the destruction of himself (meaning homo- and transsexuality). He then made this alarming comparison: "the tropical forests deserve our protection, but man, as a creature deserves no less". (Source, The Guardian).

I dont feel I need to comment a lot of that but I am astounded that the catholic church is so concerned about gays, lesbians and transsexuals. What are we doing to anyone else?

I read the online-comments to an article on an internet-site of my home-country and normally about 2-3 people comment on stories - on this one however over 100 commented, largely being angry and dismissive of what the pope said.

I am quite proud of my country-fellows for taking a stance in support of tolerance. Some interesting comments (not literally translated):

What does he know about sexuality anyway, he is not allowed a sexual life.

If we were to subsitute "gays" with "jews" we'd be back at the holocaust again. (bb: the pope was a member of the Hitlerjugend (hitler youth)

Whatever catholic is silent at this verbal crime is just as guilty as the people who didnt oppose the nazi's in the third reich. (bb: ok this is a tough comparison, but interesting)

In the true spirit of Christmas, I wish you a happy celebration,

LOVE YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND PARTNER and GO SHOPPING, the bargains are good this year!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Bangkokbitch complains to the BBC

I had always found that the coverage on the newswires in general was a bit too much on the sensational side, never really saying that in general this city is safe and that if gatherings and demonstrations are omitted, there is zero danger for the public, especially for foreigners.
however, when I watched the news before and the bbc's jonathan head was speaking about the new Thai government and simultaneously, the PAD siege of the airport was shown, I felt that this was entirely unfair coverage. Thailand doesnt need hundreds of additional people thinking that the airports are closed and Bangkok is at war. Please stop showing these pictures BBC, they are amazing pictures but the airport seizure is part of the past and will not happen again for sure (at least in the near future).

Here's my letter:

Dear BBC,I would like to comment regarding your coverage of the Thai political crisis especially the recent siege of the airports by the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD). Overall, I have found your coverage accurate, informative and well-worth watching. The comments by your correspondent Jonathan Head deserve special praise.

However, I would like to criticise you on two points.

Firstly, the coverage, especially accentuated through repeated pictures of people shooting, throwing objects and being armed, created an image of a dangerous city nearing a civil armed conflict. In fact, only very isolated violent incidents did happen but only in designated areas and not involving foreigners. I live in Bangkok and through these days, would I have not watched television and read the news, I would not have even known about the conflict. I also had received many enquiries from friends and family about my well-being. I believe that the BBC has failed to emphasise that at no point was there a danger to the general public and that violence and unrest was only confined to very few areas.

Secondly, I have just seen a short news article on the new government here in Thailand and while the correspondant was speaking, pictures of the airport siege were shown. I believe that this is utterly unnecessary and again distorting the image of Bangkok. To the unsuspecting viewer, these pictures suggest that right now, there is a violent protest going on in Bangkok and that Bangkok as well as Thailand in general is an unsafe destination.I can see every day here how slow business is for thousands of people and how few tourists have made their way to Bangkok. This is of course not the BBC's fault but I wish the BBC would stop conveying the image of an "unsafe" Bangkok.

Thank you for your otherwise very reliable reporting.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The sales guy and the temple cleaner

In the last two days, I had two odd flirt-situations. I don’t know why but these days the people seem extra-ready for flirting. It cant be the festive mood because there isn’t much that is celebrated here around this time of the year.
Anyway, It was my birthday yesterday. Two days ago, I went to the mall with dad and my two friends from class. I saw that my favourite clothes shop had a big big sale. I decided to take advantage of the sale and checked pants. With jeans or pants, it’s always essential to try them on first prior to buying, everyone knows that.
Yet, there was a Chinese Thai sales guy who told me with a smile that I cant try on because it’s sales. Well, somehow my two friends and him started talking and suddenly he agreed to measure me up and then measure the pants to see. Even though he was a bit shy (and me to by the time) he took the measuring band and first stood right behind me and then knelt down in front of me. Gosh, my imaginations went wayward. We then joked around more and he said I should try them on and take off the other pants. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOP. Later on, he also gave me his “personal guarantee” that the pants would fit. I call that a very good service and I shall be back to that shop.

Yesterday, me and dad decided to go to Nonthaburi, as we both were seeking a bit of diversion from the ubiquitous concrete desert in Bangkok. Having arrived at the pier we took a tuk-tuk to the nearby temple. The temple is quite amazing, mixing up Thai and Chinese architecture.
I took thousands of pictures (ok not quite) when a guy with a broom walked past. Maybe about 30yo, Thai-thai, a bit shorter than me but quite a sporty appearance. He looked at me and walked past, and I followed him, because I was walking in that direction anyway. Then there we were in some remote part of the temple. Him cleaning the floor, me taking pictures. It was awkward but also a bit exciting. Exchange of a few glances. Then I went past him to the other side as my dad called me. Dad told me he is going out and will wait for me. Cleaning guy walked past again and this time we exchanged big smiles and I said ‘wat dee krab. He was positively surprised and said oh, puut thai duay (and you speak thai too...). Well, more didn’t happen of course since I am a good boy.
My bf got this cake for me. So sweet isnt it?:)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Temples and Buddhas

You guessed it. I took dad to Ayutthaya. Actually I enjoyed the city very much. The old town is a mix of a normal if not a bit neater typical Thai small city and of the majestic ruins of the former capital of Siam.
We rented a bike and ventured out to see temples, buddhas, and also some temples and buddhas - and even some temples and buddhas too. Dont get me wrong, they are ALL amazing but there's only so much I can take. Luckily we went to the "Cultural Studies Center" which had amazing displays of how the city used to be. However we were the only visitors there! All in all, there were hardly any tourists in Ayutthaya except the odd frenchman and -woman.

Maybe that's why the high-school boy just blatantly stared at me for seconds and seconds while I was ordering food and eating it for lunch. The student was cute with big eyes. He is well on the way to becoming a fag:) I wonder what dad thought though. I must say that eye-candy-wise, Ayutthaya has been by the the best out of all provincial towns I have been. Maybe the proximity to BKK or maybe just luck/badluck.

The results of the day: a red neck and chest and many many pictures. I will share both with you. And please put a cold towel arond my neck, it's still burning hot!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

bkk tourist photos

Since I am a tourist in BKK these days, I took some pictures. Not so many yet, there shall be more but certainly enough to present you with a little compilation. Enjoy!
By the way. I had non-experiences with two gay taxi drivers today. The first one was funny. I flagged him down, told him my destination. He agreed. At the next intersection he asked me: left or right? He suggested right, I said left. He then said so much in Thai that I felt he told me his whole life-story. And such a camp voice. His face really didnt look like his voice...While I was thinking that he stopped. I then understood that he didnt know the way to my destination so he didnt want to take me.
On the way back from Thong Lor (soooo hi-so...hehehe) I flagged down a taxi driver for my dad to bring him to his hotel. I saw a young guy behind the wheel and smiled a bit. He was one of these tallish, skinny guys with longish hair and a cute face. Fair enough. He didnt know the way to dad's destination. But then he suggested I should show him the way. I couldnt and only later realised that I should have let him wait and flag down the next one for dad. In the heat of the moment I didnt realise that and told him: mai pen rai krab (dont worry). I was stupid:(

p.s. tomorrow: day-trip to Ayutthaya!

Friday, December 12, 2008

why i hatelove thailand

These days, bangkokbitch-dad is in bangkok for a short visit. it's very exhausting. dad cares for "attractions" and I am more a "general-feel" traveller. that means, he wants to see what the guidbook recommends and i'd rather just walk around and get the feel of a place. so in bangkok, I dont really know that many of the "attractions". never mind, dad is self-reliant.

his hotel is around sanam luang, where at night, the navyboys come out to sell themselves. dad said the other day: "you know, there were guys pissing on the wall and they all were so nice to me when I didnt know my way...". I wonder what dad was up to. I also told him about ladyboys. He said - and I quote: "beauty is beauty, doesnt matter what gender". Ooops. Also, he meets his former collegues once a year. One woman said: where's your son these days? Dad: Bangkok. woman: oh, he's having many girlfriends. dad: no, one boyfriend. way to go dad!!!!

today we went to k-buri. the one with the bridge. it's a nice town actually - very touristy of course. for, lunch, this girl-waitress came around and said to her older waitress-friend: "oh, farang lor maak maak". (the foreigner is handsome). We then started chatting away in Thai (as far as I could of course). I knew the vocab for that kind of conversation though. Do you have a feen (bf/gf)? I said: Yes. She was discouraged but came back. Is your feen thai? No, Korean. Oh, do you speak Korean or English? Does he live here? Why do you stay in Thailand, why dont you have a Thai boyfriend? Oh, well....she was really cute actually. Dad's comment: "She likes you because you are different from the others, you speak Thai so it's not boring with you". That's sweet of dad!

Then we walked down the road to get to the war cemetary. About 300 people wanted me to buy a book about the bridge, postcards, take a tuk-tuk, take a taxi, take a songteaw, go on a boat trip, go to the restaurant, have a massage and rent a motorbike. how could I do all of these? I decided to said "mai ao" to all of them. Differently from bangkok however, they didnt walk away when they notice you can speak thai. they just go on with the same blah in thai....Look, dear people. I do seriously understand that you are not so rich and you are having a hard time this season because of some special events this year and thus, you need MONEY - the big baht. And Im happy to give you a fair and generous tip if you are nice to me. However, if you are trying to be cheeky little bastards, you get nothing. Zero, nada, niente, rien. I really do NOT like if you are lying around lazily on your songteaw dozing off and as soon as the farang appears you appear to be stung by the invisible baht-bee and shout and wave so the whole town hears you. I wont be the baht-fairy for you, sorry. the people I hate most however are the dishonest ones. I was asking someone where the cemetary is. promptly, he wants me to mount his motocy and dad on some kinda riksha thingie. I think they are called samlor in thai. he first said: "yuu nan" (it's over there) but then he wanted to drive us and surely charge an immense price. The driver then swore about bad farang and promptly, the cemetary was about 50 metres around the corner, I kid you not!

Yesterday at Wat Pho the same story. Some guy highly officially controlled our tickets upon LEAVING the temple, made a cross and said something about free, today only and buddha. that of course is utter BS. I said something in Thai and walked off. then a guy approached us and said he didnt know the way to the grand palace (it's right in front of us). i showed him in thai and he asked us where we are going. I said "mae nam" and he said, go straight ahead. Later that night, I got dad a taxi back to the hotel. The son of a b***h of a taxi driver didnt know where dad's hotel was even though I explained him and he dropped him off at the wrong place. Also he charged 40bht "night-time fee". My dad believed him and also the free, today only guy. I used to be like this too, gullible and trusting. But Bangkok has changed me. I mistrust most people in the first place. That's a bit of a shame. I dont get conned but I am not so friendly anymore.
In this country however, where there are downsides, there will always be an upside. The upside came in the name of a pretty guy sitting on the side of the road in K-buri in a cafe with his two (girl)friends. His skin was quite fair but not colourless and his feature soft yet manly. He looked at me head to toe and back to head again and smiled straight out. I smiled back and thought that if I wouldnt have a boyfriend and a dad with me, I would have stopped and talked to him. I turned around again and he did too. It was a nice moment.

So, at the end of the day, I am happy. Really really tired, but happy. and thats what counts after all.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

two sex changes or a perfect bangkokbitch?

Well well well, what did I stumble upon in my readings in the Bangkok Post? An ad for a clinic. With a pricelist. And it's very interesting.
-Eyelids ("the Korean surgery") at 200$US. That's a piece-a-cake. Tomorrow I will have eyelids darlings.
-Liposuction. F**k I need it I am no size 28 and 55kgs (like my boyfriend). 625$.
-I am getting one year older next week and starting to get a few lines along my eyes when I smile--> Two solutions: I will NOT smile anymore or I will get the lifting. 875$.
-And just as I said before, I need to tuck in that tummy.1,250$.
Now for the new bangkokbitch...2950$US poorer but perfect. BUT WAIT...for 1625$US I could become a woman. And if I am not happy, maybe for 1625$US I could go back to man and get a new little bangkokbitch, 8 inches long and perfectly straight! I am sure they give a package. So either tummytuck, liposuction, new eyelids and a facelift or becoming a woman and a man again. Both about 3000US$. Which one should I opt for, it's my birthday on the 17th, the jury is out!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Second chances

Today I want to write about second chances. It’s been a topic that is coming up a lot lately in my life so I will share my thoughts with you.
The typical discussions revolve around second chances in relationships and even though I am currently in the second round of a relationship, I want to talk about second chances with friends.
Lately, I have come across quite a few old friends. I met them at the sale in the Department store, in the restaurant, walking around in Siam or even on a date with someone else in Suan Lumphini. With some of them, I just had a second thought about them and then decided to contact them again, add them again on facebook or on MSN (I delete people quite quickly if I don’t see potential).

The catalyst for this was really getting a boyfriend. Since I am with him, I obviously don’t date other guys and don’t sleep around anymore either. This cancels the sex out of the equation – and I think that makes many platonic relationships easier.
At the beginning when I came here, I didn’t have sex for ages and was very happy to play – and therefore always put the sex into the equation. That was a mistake. You cant make friends when you sleep with most people you meet. Sometimes it was so boring meeting people so I’d much rather just take them home, have sex and let them go home then (which they wouldn’t always do, remember?). Well now I am on a different mission. Even before I met my bf actually, I started to try much, much harder to make real friends. In all these months I hardly made any gay Thai friends. My best friends here are from the Islas Pilipinas and my straight and lesbian friends from class. I blame this partly on me, because I believe I didn’t have the patience to let something grow. In Thailand, people put on a smile and are very easy to get into bed but what’s really on their minds is very difficult to gauge. I heard this “complaint” so many times from foreingers and I think I really ought to write a bit on this at a later stage. Anyway, sometimes these guys just wanna have sex and then go away, but sometimes they are disappointed if you request sex because they hoped for something bit more sophisticated. It’s a bit of a catch-22. I don’t know. Im sure I lost a few friends or even potentially more by miscalculating what they wanted.
Now however there is no sex involved. So I actually focus much more on whether people are interesting or not. It’s a good development and I think I can rekindle a few friendships, even though it’s awkward to have a relationship involving sex first and then go “back” to pure platonic friendship. If we could only turn back the clocks and turn off our cocks sometimes!
By the way, you may have realised that I am recently only using self-taken pictures. That shall stay that way and even if they dont always quite match the topic, it makes this blog prettier and more me. I hope you like it.

Friday, December 5, 2008

the viciousness of thai gays

today I really got some attitude from thai gays for having a boyfriend. normally, they will ask straight away: "is he Thai?" Then, of course I say "no, he is not". To this answer, many seem to be quite relieved. I wouldnt know what would happen if he were thai. I shall try it the next time. I will invent a boyfriend from the countryside and lets see what they say.
anyway, two guys today werent happy at all.
typically for thais, they rarely rarely talked to me. I havent met both. one guy is from ayutthaya and sometimes calls me (about once every month). He's smart and I always had good conversations with him. however, the fact that we never met and that he never told me when he is in bangkok suggested to me that he is not so interested. I was a bit but forgot about him because he was hardly in bangkok anyway.
I told him that I have a boyfriend today. He said that he is really really sad and angry and that he needs some time for himself now. and he left MSN. gosh what a drama. I havent even met him!!!
the second guy is from some middle-class chinese-thai family. he lives near my home but we never met. two weeks ago he asked whether he can live at my home since he is having an argument with his brother. i declined of course. it's ridiculous that someone can live here that I have never met. today i told him that he knows my boyfriend (they chat very rarely). then he went kinda crazy. he said he has no people with boyfriends in his list and that I should check whether we are really boyfriends. how rude, I know my bf for 3 years and see him practically every day and this little sh*t suggests we might not be boyfriends. get a life! then he said that I am dumb and stupid. then he really really wanted to know who my bf is. i said: you deleted me from your list so why are you interested in me? he said: i am not interested in you. i said: then stop talking. wonderful, what a drama. it is still going on as I am writing.

Wow what fierceness. how come people suddenly have so much energy to write when we could hardly get further than: hello how are you? fine, you?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

small world

...provided for a surprise today.

sometimes the discoveries that we make are amazing. I am sure ALL of you have at some point been surprised by some variation of the following: a friend talks about someone and you suddenly realise that you know this person. It could be, your friends fuckbuddy is a friend of yours. Or you discover that you have been disappointed by the same person in the same way. Or maybe your ex is now fucking your best friend. Im sure all of these have happened already.

Well today something like that happened to me. I was talking to a pinoy friend who lives in Manila. He was telling me how I need to check his facebook. I went through his friendlist and discovered some guy and for some reason I clicked on his profile. I thought I'd heard that name before. He's from some small country in Europe. I then for some reason went through this guy's friendslist, it must have been my intuition. And I found no less than 14 people that I "know" too. Know to several degrees. Some are friends, with some I chatted once and they are long deleted, others came on my chest....hahaha (sorry that's a bit naughty). But I thought that's a bit weird, 14 (!!!!) people. Now this guy has about 400 friends and doesnt even live in BKK but still. I then talked to my best mate, the moralist and he said, oh it's ****. I know him. My friend fell for him and so on...and he is frequently found at Soi 4 (Silom that is of course).

Now what does all this mean? Either: I "know" too many people? Or this is a manwhore and he knows every gay in BKK? Or, this is bound to happe, even in such a big city like Bangkok.

All of the three are right. I think in the meantime I do have quite a lot of acquaintances. Most of them led to absolutely nothing! I do bump into people in Bangkok, which is a bit surprising given the size of the city. But then, the Bangkokbitch is well-known and apparently has a new rival!

Monday, December 1, 2008

getting hassled by a porn-woman


Since I still cant fly to Tahiti, thanks to the lovely friends out at Suvarnabhumi airport, who are making sure that even in the deepest Amazon and in the valleys of the Himalayas, everyone knows that Thailand is a weird country, I spent the weekend in Bangkok exploring the city and watching weird art performances.
Today, some weird things happened. We had a lunar eclipse, which looks pretty awesome. I disovered evil, evil little bugs in my rice and my flour. And I got hassled by a porn lady on MSN.
I will post the dialogue here:
bangkokbitch: hey. are you a woman?
pornlady: hey, Age/Sex/Location? :)
bangkokbitch: how do we know each other?
pornlady: hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo fuckin horny
today for some reason lol
bangkokbitch: i am gay so I dont get horny when i look at boobs:)
pornlady: listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if u!
bangkokbitch: where are you?
pornlady: I can show u how to watch if u promise not to tell anyone else how to do it???PLEASE:-$
bangkokbitch: what do you want to show me?
pornlady: well since its the law that u gotta be 18 (nudity involved), u have to sign up with a credit card for age verification! BUT.. Once you are inside, just clikc on "Webcams" let me know what name you use to sign in with so I know it is you babe! fill out the bottom of the page then fill out the next page as well and u can see me live!
bangkokbitch: I am GAY. I dont want to see boobs:)
pornlady: Please dont mention anything about that in the chatroom once u get in ok?
bangkokbitch: mai pen rai krab
pornlady: OH SHIT.. k I am late to start my show, I gotta get off msn...I will see ya inside my chatroom babe.. remember not to mention that I am upgrading u... You can use your msn name to sign in so i know it is you..

F***ing hilarious. I noticed this pair of boobs in my MSN so I thought that must be a woman. Then she just went babbling on. And she was called Geneva. Hello my name is Zurich, honey...
Lovely Geneva didnt understand that I am gay and DO NOT want to see boobies. Even my approach in Thai came unanswered. Obviously Geneva isnt a Thai girl. I think this is some kind of automated thing by the way. No idea where it came from though because I never gave this MSN address to anyone but friends. Weird. But I had a good laugh!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Amazing Thailand

...and I thought life with a boyfriend in Bangkok would get boring. That thought was ridiculous.

Suvarnabhumi, a familiar place looks a bit different these days.

The world is bewildered about Thailand and its political standoff. I am not anymore of course, knowing a bit about Thai people and politics (only a bit though). While millions of travellers come to Thailand each year to see temples, the beaches, the sea, some of these travellers finally got to see what's below the shiny surface of the country. And I dont mean this negative. This country is truly amazing. I take it that everyone reading this blog knows that currently, an extra-parliamentary group called PAD (People's Alliance for Democracy) decided to walk to Suvarnabhumi, besiege it and take it under its control. The police was standing by idly but did not intervene. The thousands of passengers, among of course many Western travellers were bewildered. Some thought, the PAD (wearing yellow shirts) were football fans. I could watch on TV how just down the road at the airport, where I have been manymany times and know all the corners, Western travellers were angrily complaining. One American man was furious due to the fact that he was to miss Thanksgiving. Poor man. The pictures we get to see on BBC and CNN though are very misleading. It looks as if the city were on fire. Far from it, even at the airport, the siege seems more like a sit-in (much less violent than the 68 unversity sit-in's in Europe). Apparently, some people go around distributing food and water. Amazing. Well, in Thailand no one ever can go hungry. There's always some food around the corner and in the worst case, it will be offered. In the meantime, the Prime Minister is quickly running away to Chiang Mai. (Where else in the world can the Prime Minister not go to his capital and not step back??? I mean, you are supposed to be in charge of the country but you cant be in your capital...hello???) However, in this whole mess, there is no sense of urgency it seems. Thais are the most patient people that I have ever seen and the tourists should learn some of it! Lets see what happens, there's always a surprise in the air in "Amazing Thailand". If you want to be up to date, read the Bangkok Pundit's blog.

The "look tung" singer. I love his (gay) costume.

In the meantime, Bangkok does not stand still at all of course. As if nothing was going on, there was some party in my neighbourhood. Thais wouldnt let politics get in the way of a good celebration. There was food galore, "look tung" (Thai country style) music, dancing and shiny costumes and lots of happy faces. The Isan (Northeast region) boy singing was very pretty and he got many flowers to hang around his neck from admirers in the public. Then, I was watching this guy who was making "cha yen" (cold milk tea). He was artistically foaming and mixing the tea by pouring the liquid from one cup into an other. I took a picture. His friends spotted that and started making big big noise. He got very very shy. On the walk home I saw 7-11 guy in jeans and shirt. Gosh, he looks even better in non-7-11 uniform. He was disappointed I didnt talk to him.
Ultra-shy tea-pouring boy.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Tuesday Evening in Bangkok

As I was in MBK, I walked past this:

I walked past it and read "top" and "bottom" and thought...sounds familiar. Then I turned around and looked at it again: wonderful! We now have prices. A "top" costs 1895THB and a "bottom" - o wonder - also 1895THB. That's what I call equality. Same same. I wish the top-bottom issue would matter that little to Thais, but we have covered that discussion already. Anyway, I think 1895THB (~60USD) is rather expensive. What does that include? Does it come with a warranty? I imagine the top would cum (oops) with a "cum-on-your-chest" warranty whereas the bottom would be sure to have a "tight-and-stimulating-hole". I thought the economic crisis and slump in tourist numbers would cause prices to fall. (e.g. less demand and same supply --> falling prices) but these laws dont seem to apply here:)
Then, on the BTS later I saw the moneyboy that I flirted with ages ago. I wrote about him before I think but never mind. He looked at me. I think he's quite cute actually. When we got to "Saladaeng" he got off (very predictable stuff here) and a few metres behind him: his sugadaddy. Gosh, why does this moneyboy have such an ugly partner.
Then, I felt very very tense in my neck - so I went for a massage. Now, I hear you think already: ohoooo, happy ending, cute boy, 1500BHT. NONO, not with bangkokbitch. I had a big and really really rough and quiet lady. That's perfect. I do feel a bit weird when she sits on my ass and rams her knee into my back and I cant feel her bulge - but then again she is a lady. Im sorry but normally, someone would proceed to fuck me if that position is taken.
Then I went to 7/11 and 7/11-boy was there!!! I had seen him a few days ago when I was with my boyfriend. And he did NOT like that. So, he tried to flirt me again and was quietly waiting for me to come over and talk to him. I played game, but only partly; gave him a huge smile, thought that he is actually cuter than I thought and happily walked home, not actually having to deal with dating problems anymore.
Then, I crossed the pedestrian bridge and while I was looking at the 7/11- shop, some guy walked past me and looked me in the eyes. He was a tiny guy, not femme, not pretty, not ugly, and he looked really tired. I was surprised, turned around and he did the same. I was confused, walked on, and turned around again - he did the same. AHHHHHH, wont these gays let me be for one second???

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Gay update from the Island 2 - the RETURN

Well, well. Whereas I am already back in the ultra-gay territory of bangkok city, I need to update you on what else happened on the island - AND on the way back home.

Mister resort boy (I need to remind you, he is definitely too young for any real action and any serious considerations, plus I think he had an older brother there - and about 3 younger it's not advisable to flirt seriously) continued to eye me and we continued to smile at each other whenever we met. Then, on my last day I was watching a movie on my laptop (no porn, honey:P) in my sexiest yellow/orange/white undies lying on the bed with open curtains. resort boy was picking up leaves outside my room with his older brother. He was surprised to see me - and so was I. But we both managed to smile. Then he walked on, I looked back again and he bent back to catch another glimpse of me - and I caught him! Cute:) Later on he was cutting onions for the kitchen....cute cute. I will visit him again one day.

I was honestly sad to leave this place. Not really because of the resort boy. I liked the lovely people on the island. And even though I couldnt identify with the other farang on the island and the bangkok thais just snubbed me, I had a good time with the locals and a lovely english couple, just the age of my parents.
Boat driver in calm seas

On the way back, I had a freaking rollercoaster ride on the speedboat - for 3 hours instead of 1!!! and with a dozen silly and annoying europeans - some more annoying - some less. I like the dutch the most, very funny and ironic kinda people. The australians of europe, so to say. The german people next to me had the biggest mouth ever and got quieter towards the end - when they got sick. I then tried to help them get a cheap bus ride to their destination of choice - pattaya. They didnt take my offer (which would have saved them a lot) and instead went off - your loss. Anyway, opposite of me was this Swedish couple. He had long pony-tail hair, a beard and the longest and thinnest face I have ever seen. They complained at the hotel because the rooms were not "on the beach" - well what do you wanna do? sleep in the f***ing water, mister swede??? Anyway, his best feature by far were his cut jeans. they were as short as a miniskirt and therefore when he was sitting in the speedboat, one of his balls caught some fresh air - EWWWWWW!!! You know with ugly things, you need to look at it again and again!!!

Boat driver in strong winds - i love him, look at the flying hair!!
Anyway, there was a pretty thing on the boat too - the boat driver. I fell in love with him. I swear the waves were 2 metres high (that's high for such a small speedboat). But this young man just stoically kept his calm and rammed that freaking boat into the waves. He was a small guy but constantly looked into the distance with his long neck, concentrating on the next wave. And in the blowing wind, his long hair was flying beautifully. Wonderful.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Gay update from the Island

I am on the island and even though the “resort” here officially proclaimed that they have WIFI, they of course don’t. Wonderful. But it’s ok after all. I am reading, swimming, watching movies, reading, talking my classmate (but she left now, so I am talking to this middle-aged English couple), and of course checking out the local boys.
Since I am officially trying to let go of the Thai ideals of beauty and inhibitions towards non-television-style people, I am also checking out the country-boys. I must say, I find it somehow really hot to think about sex with countryside guys. I mean, they have possibly never had sex with a guy and most probably never with a foreigner. They don’t have the complicated mindset of a Bangkokboy and questions such as “are you top or bottom (and if we are both bottom or top we can only be “friends”)” do not appear. Countryside people are more easy-going and curious.
So, what does the little resort have to offer? Quite a few young boys who clean up, serve food and carry bags and because there are practically no guests, they have nothing to do and just lie around lazily in the hammock or in front of the TV. But until today, when my (girl)friend left, about 120% of all the people thought that we were a couple, after all what does a Thai girl and a foreign guy do together on an island? Well, now she’s gone and I can see the difference already. The boy that I thought was cute acknowledged me today. I walked to my room and he was walking down the lawn on the other side. He looked, I looked and we both smiled. Then, later, I walked past the TV-sala (sala is Thai for a pavilion), he acknowledged me again and gave me a big smile. Also, he had a new hair-do. Some sort of 3-dimensional hair. I am staying 2 more nights, so let’s see...the boy is shy and too young – but flirting is more than half of the fun. And I will get that part of the fun for sure!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Living in the Big City

Well, lately I have been busy recovering from my cold (still not 100% healthyL), mourning the royal death (and therefore exclusively wearing black and other sober colours...BLACK IS THE NEW BLACK in Bangkok these days!!!), living a nice boyfriend life (going to loy krathong (loy krathong is a Thai festival where people put a nice little boat with candle and incense stick into any kind of water while saying prayers. As far as I know, the meaning is to make all the bad things go away and wish for an obstacle-free next year. If you feel you are serious with your partner, you can/should float a krathong together) together, watching movies together, eating together and so on...) but also studying like a good student. And that’s why I am going on an island in the East of Thailand tomorrow. Yes, to study!
Which brings me to the topic of city life. You see, I have grown up on the countryside. In farangland, I grew up in a village, population 3’500. Ok, there are some cities close-by but still, countryside. Then I moved to a city, population 75’000 to study. It’s still like a village. I have always loved cities and especially city-life though. When I would travel to cities I would never check out the attractions or sights. I would just walk around and try to get the feel for a city. I was most-fascinated when I started visiting Asia a few years ago. First Seoul, then Hong Kong and Singapore; lastly Manila and Bangkok. I think I still love Seoul the most. I was mesmerised by the sheer amount of people, life and hustle and bustle. I was overwhelmed in fact. In farangland, everyone is at home in front of the TV once school or work stops but in the big Asian cities (mind you it was cold November in Seoul) people were out in the streets eating, chatting, promenading and enjoying. And they were well-dressed too. A few months later, it was like a revelation to see a packed restaurant at 3.30am on a weekday opposite of my hotel room in Hong Kong. These experiences made me move to Asia. It was Bangkok due to a coincidence and connections of my university. Bangkok is much of the same, smaller and less shiny than Seoul and Hong Kong and less violent on the eye than Manila, but also much more interesting than any of these cities probably. Bangkok is wonderfully international (you don’t ever read about this in magazines or blogs...). Bangkok is at the crossroads of Asian cultures. Influences of China (tradition), Japan and Korea (business and pop-culture), India (spirituality and immgrants), Muslim Southeast Asia (from the south of Thailand), Australian expats (and sadly backpackers),
European and American travellers and expats, there’s everything.
Chinese culture in Bangkok
Euro-Antipodean-American culture in Bangkok
Korean culture in Bangkok
Christian influence in Bangkok
One place which I personally find one of the best measurements of internationality of a place is the supermarket. Go to Gourmet Mart in SiamParagon, or the supermarkets in Centralworld or Central Chidlom and you will possibly find the widest choice of international products you have ever seen.
But living in the city can be exhausting. There’s always a friend to meet, a movie to be seen, a shop to be visited or a temple to be seen. But, it takes TIME to move between places...a lot of time! And I am still on the search for a quiet place with wireless, plug and a nice view nearish to my home to study...that’s why I am going on a break on the island for a few days. Studying on the beach sounds appealing to me!
p.s. this time the pictures are taken by the bangkokbitch herself:)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Bangkokbitch gets insulted

first of all the good news, I am less sick. I can breathe again and I am not feeling psycho anymore thanks to that silly drug...

But then, the other day someone commented on my blog entry dating Thais - a wrap up. Read this:

"I think you farangs just ignorant individuals - you do not fully appreciate the culture neither do you want to understand it. So embed with western values that cannot be imposed to different cultures, no wonder you guys are misreble old queens.

get out of Thailand!"

wonderful. I was shocked first. Some person wants me out of thailand.

Then, this mister anonymous guided me to this forum called to be enlightened by him. Well, he did write an interesting article in the forum and I answered precisely but since then, mister anonymous has died.....where are you? who are you? why did you lash out against me?

anyway, the boys (or more appropriately: the gentlemen) from sawatdee-gay-forum did not welcome me at all to their forum.


some of them thought that they had to be either drunk or high to read my blog. I also asked a serious question regarding HIV in bangkok, since I thought I was among the wasnt received well at all. well, I dont know why you dont understand what I write but maybe your world is just a little too different from mine. I will stop reading your suggestions about go-go bars, pattaya and so on and you can stop reading my accounts of my daily life as a young person trying to live a life which nearly exclusively revolves around young urban thais.

p.s. the promised pictures will follow...I have collected quite a few already

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Bangkokbitch sick and getting the wrong pills

I am sick. No, I have been sick for nearly a week now. What started out as a common cold became really really weird. I got really strong coughs so I went to see the doctor at the hospital near my place. I must say, he was young and cute and also charming - but ultimately an IDIOT! because he prescribed me medication costing 1900bht (60US$) that f***ed up my brain! This medication is called "romilar" and is supposed to suppress the urge to cough, e.g. altering your brain functions so it doesnt think you need to cough. Now the first night when I took this medication I slept at 3am. That's not ideal when you are sick. The second night (yesterday) I went to see james bond with boyfriend and slept at 2am. Again, not ideal when sick. The problem is that this medication raises my alertness to a very high point, it makes me stare at things, it makes me hyperactive, it puts me into a drunk-alike state....and this is scary. I dont like the cute doctor anymore because he gave me very very strong medicine without even warning me! How could he do that? I read on an internet site that a high dosage of this medication can lead to out-of-body experiences and hallucination.....scary shit.

The source of all evil!!! These little yellow tablets!

I just wanna say that I think that here in Thailand strong medication is given out too easily...beware!!! and inform yourself about the medication you get!!!

In the meantime, lets hope this cold goes away soon.....and lets hope I am coming down from my high state induced by that evil, evil "romilar"

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Thais are beauty fascists - part 1

the event that makes me so angry and bitter is the following. remember the lost teddy? it was the guy from my class that suddenly fell in love with me and became my stalker. I got word from a (girl) classmate today that apparently he was publicly (in class) bitching about my boyfriend's looks. he said something like: "ewwwwwww, he is not even handsome, he should choose someone much more handsome". that really pissed me off.

Ok, he's entitled to think that. My bf isnt 190cm tall, doesnt have wide shoulders and no manly, "handsome" face. But what the f**k? That in no way justifies someone publicly bitching about it so everyone else can hear it (I wasnt there of course).

then, my classmate (the girl) said something that wasnt less offensive, only she didnt know it. She tried to somehow explain me that thais dont think that a wide face and small eyes are beautiful. Now lets think about this again. Wonderful, she in a way justified his bitching by reciting thai beauty ideals.

Now I know all about Thai beauty ideals and I also have thought a lot about them but this now prompts me to write about them. If you want to be beautiful in Thailand you have to be tall, slim, have fair skin, have big eyes, have a slim face, have straight hair and a faultless appearance in general. If any of the above-mentioned criteria are not met you will struggle to be beautiful in a thai person's eyes. For foreigners, slightly different standards apply but nevertheless, I was told several times: "xxx you are not handsome...but you are cute". or: "xxx, when did you get fat?" I just wanna let you know, I am not fat. If I go to farangland I am pretty much in the average...

Maybe the things that are the most interesting is the shape of the face and the skin colour. In terms of shape of the face, a slim face is essential. If the face is บาน (baan, wide) that is not good at all. A square face (e.g. Thaksin Shinawatra) is not good either. Cheekbones are not very advantagous either.

no beautiful, his face is too wide and square.

In terms of skin colour, we all know that in Asia in general, the whiter the skin, the better. It's the other way around as in Europe, where a tanned, brown skin is considered attractive and sexy. Here, dark skin is associated with country-side people who have to work on the farm, hence they get dark by working outdoors all day long. The association goes: the darker, the poorer. I personally had the experience many many times that guys I met actually excused themselves for their dark skin.

Now, I want you to think about this: WHY is it that Thais, who are normally very accepting of other people's lifestyles and choices (e.g. are "tolerant") can be such fascists in terms of beauty (only one beauty ideal counts)? My boyfriend noticed that the people that feature in Thai ads are nowhere to be seen on the street. That is quite true.....and additionally, no one in ads is dark and Thai-thai (as opposed to chinese-thai) (except on these fertiliser ads during muay thai on Channel 3 maybe). I know about the connection between skin-colour and income - thai chinese are richer and whiter. But how come thais can be so extreme in this, otherwise being quite accomodating and tolerant?

Actually, fellow blogger bkkdreamer has already blogged here, here and here on the "honey-coloured" beauties and explained us a little bit about skin-colour and beauty ideals. You would notice that these "honey-coloured" beauties are by no means dark, even though it is something like a taboo in thai society to even like someone who doesnt have pale skin.

Now even though I notice that some of these beauty ideals have crept into my mind too (im too immersed in Thai culture), I really want you to stick to what you think is beautiful. Skinny, tall, chubby, wide-faced, dark, white, curly hair, blue eyes, whatever.....stick to it!!!

p.s. I promise you. I will provide you with some picture-examples of what I mean next time:)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

bangkokbitch and public toilets

but first, something else: I now have a boyfriend. I need to explain this a little. Before I came to Bangkok, I lived in farangland with this Korean man. We were together for 2 years and lived together sharing the same house, bed and everything else for one year. The end-result...I broke up and we moved apart. Then, on a fine day in June, he called me: "xxx, I booked a flight to Bangkok on October 13, I am coming to live here for 10 months." UGH.....I was shocked. To cut the story short, we are back together. I hate that phrase. It's associated with losers who cant make up their mind and are too useless to move on from someone and too lazy to get a life beyond the comfort of the boyfriend. This is different though...and I will elaborate on this soon and discuss things as "second chances", the (im?)possibility of a relationship in gay Bangkok and my own feelings of course...stay tuned.

Well....the "newlyboyfriended" bangkokbitch is still touring bangkok, which means there are some gay things bound to happen. And yesterday (lets include friday night too) was a gaygaygay day. I dont know why but it actually scares and annoys me. Back in the faranglands where I lived, when I met people I liked, the BIG question always propped up: Is he gay? Here in bangkok, it's more like you need to come out if you are straight, and my straight (girl)friends are complaining: "there are no real men around." I agree. Friday night at the worldfilm festival, screening of the Thai movie "A Moment in June" by O Nathapon: roughly 80% gays including the director, the actors and most of the public. In the Q&A session, one fag said: "I liked the movie and I think you are cute". What a superficial asshole. You can think that (and in fact it's true) but to say that was behaving like a 14yo teenie boyband crybaby. Then, a famous blogger that I dont want to mention here flirted with me in two different locations. Fast forward to yesterday: Went to RCA with two fag friends to watch a movie (with gay content of course). And I must say, I have never been to RCA but this place is weird and fascinating. I thought that this is a different city and I cant describe why but it felt like a place in a mid-sized sea town, such as pattaya (without the whores). Promptly, we went to Starbuck(s), which was gay-central (and also hosted several farang man-thai girl/lady couples (or mis-couples...dont know about that). Then I went to the "public toilet". One guy suddenly went in in front of me and another guy followed. Gosh.......I got out of there as quickly as possible.

Back in Silom, we had dinner in a restaurant in CP Tower (I believe). I saw about 27 gays and gay couples including the hunchback boy (a cute waiter noted for his hunched back) from Telephone Bar in Soi 4 with a roughly 35yo Asian man, who probably took him out for dinner before fucking the shit out of him later in a hotel room. Then I went to the toilet and guess was cruising central. Everyone eyeing everyone else including some guy going into the cublicle next to me only to make lots of noise with his belt....GOSH...I didnt pee and left the toilet hurriedly, only to be eyed by a middle-aged farang man. Then I went to get an HIV test at the community clinic in Bangkok Christian Hospital on Silom Road also. It was nice there. Lovely people, some gays around but they were not Silom gays...just normal gay people minding their business. That felt so wonderful that we can be gay next to each other without thinking about more...

Then we proceded to Khao San road - which is great big fun but not noted for its gayness. Well, we all got drunk on a 150Bht (5USD) BUCKED of some sort of drink prepared by a burmese bar boy. I then had to go to the toilet - already pretty drunk...burmese boy promptly showed me where it is, looked at me and said: you - me - two boys.....yes that is right, we are both boys/men....but what did THAT mean? That was all the gayness...and now I am wondering if I can ever go to a toilet again without being harassed...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

the show must go on...

As promised, there shall still be gay bangkok's just impossible to escape them....

today, I had to interview undergrad students at my university for a survey, which is part of my studies. our group had to go to the political science faculty. Now I dont know about all faculties but I was pretty sure that I would find a healthy percentage of gay men there. And I was not to be disappointed.
There were not all that many men around since political science is a major within the arts and humanities...somehow these disciplines draw more women than men since women are more "creative", "social" and so on....Anyway, to cut it short, this place was gay central at the university (if there is such a thing). I loved it.
Of course the farang student attracted attention. A girl was very very open about liking me: "I like your shirt - please dont forget your bag." was her line...wonderful. Otherwise there was just a lot of ogling, smiling and bitching going on.
Then, it was my turn to interview mister pretty. He's a seriously pretty boy, very very suave but still with an accessible manner. There were a few shy looks during these 15 minutes as well as a short check whether my eyes following him when he left the building. They did. In the middle of the interview he also touched my hand...not romantically but still rather soft and gentle. even if it was just for a split second, I was pleasantly surprised. I then later found out that my classmate is his elder at university and that I actually know a classmate of his thanks to a previous encounter....I think I know about half of Bangkok now.
Im now chatting with my acquaintance that could know him, lets see where this is leading...not very far I can tell you that....but it's a fun story anyway

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

dating thais - a wrap up

The same topic is coming up time and again. We (a lot of us reading this blog) live in Bangkok and we would like to date Thais since they are gorgeous and since there are also many Thais here. It is easy to meet them, it's easy to sleep with them and it's also easy to have a good time. But wait, some of us would like to try to start something a bit more serious - and that's where the problems start.

In my last post, I talked about the failed try to date Rachada boy. I knew it was never going to work and my blog entry was just there to astonish you how silly the local gays are. The fact that I got quite a response, also from the blogging guru of all blogging gurus of pink bangkok, bkkdreamer. I quote his comment: "While I was looking, all I found was misery. They are either possessive-obsessive, or oddly detached and couldn't give a damn."
Thank you, bkkdreamer. That sums up my feeling of 7 months in the city of angels trying to meet someone special.

During my time in Bangkok, I have had dozens of dates. I liked some and tried a bit harder. I met rich hi-so Bangkokians in Audi TT's, handsome men who have studied abroad and speak perfect English. I have also met average Thais who have never met a farang on such a level before. Finally, I also met someone on the street, poor and from the countryside.

Thais give us headaches

What did I find ultimately? Read the quote: misery. The passivity (which is often feigned) drives me nuts. Why does the farang have to do the work and why do the Thai gays always like to be fabulously passive, verging on the "couldnt give a damn" that bkkdreamer said above. However, when you tell them about someone else, e.g. competition, they suddenly become vicious and jealous. Some of them actually dont even reach that stage because they are bored of not being desired and wouldnt do anything to mitigate that.

I must say, I have committed sins too. I just let people fall sometime after we had sex. The curiosity is gone and the interest too. But I wouldnt play games.

This is by the way not just a gay bangkokbitch problem. This is a universal problem here in this country. People are often strikingly careless, only to fall into a giant pit of sorrow and self-pity and seeking "the culprit's" sympathy. However, if someone else comes along, they will happily move along as soon as possible. The other thing can happen too. We may not be interesting to them anymore for a few days only to get a sudden call or a message because the person felt bored. I have heard from straight, gay and lesbian friends (Thai and foreigner) complaining about the behaviour of these people here in Bangkok.

I am not angry or desperate or even despairing. I am just disappointed. Well, now I am dating seriously - finally. Not a Thai. A Korean, my ex-boyfriend, and it's getting rather serious...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

relationship “à-la Thaï”

Ok, I have talked about Rachada boy before. We met once at a mall in his area. Then, he was rather enthusiastic, we exchanged pictures on our mobile phone like good teenies do. The day after, he called me: “hey I am waiting at the skytrain station for you.” I was just having dinner with my friends and took it slowly and said: “ok, I will be there in about an hours”. he was waiting at the skytrain like a good boy and had a biiiiig smile on his face when I arrived. We then proceeded to my place – and – no, we didn’t have sex. We just talked and enjoyed each other’s company and exchanged smiles. Then he asked if he can sleep here Friday and Saturday. I said, Saturday is ok. Saturday came and we met at his workplace, Siriraj Hospital. We then made our way to my place and arrived there, he wanted to go swimming. We swam for like an hour and then we got hungry. We went to 7Eleven and got some food to eat. We ate and then he got tired so he went to bed and slept. Then I went to bed too later but he was hardly visible. I mean, I have a big bed but he was that far away from me I had to use the binoculars. I hugged him and he took my hand so I hugged him more. I woke up in the morning and of course he had a hard-on...I tried to help him get rid of it but he didn’t want that. He didn’t really do anything against it but wasn’t endorsing it either. I then just hugged him, which he enjoyed. He didn’t hug back very often though. I asked: “why don’t you hug me?” He: “No feeling”.
Ok, I see. No feeling. That’s why on Thursday he asked me to be his boyfriend (which I didn’t believe though). He then left and just before, we had the following conversation.

ME: hey
Rachada Boy: hi xxx
ME: how are you
Rachada Boy: fine, and you?
ME: Im ok thanks. Ok, I think you don’t care about me anymore...that’s ok.
Rachada Boy: ok.
Me: ....ok...bye...wish you good luck for the future.

Rachada boy walking out of my life.

It’s sad and hilarious at the same time. There he was wanting to be my boyfriend a few days ago and then he just walks off like this. I must say, this is not the first time it happened here in Thailand. And I just want to tell you all. This is not a moneyboy or some kind of poor weird dumb guy. He went to one of the best universities of the country, his family is rich, he has travelled overseas a few times and wears original Diesel jeans and a belt – AND he is not a child – he is 25 years old. Im speechless. But I cant care anymore about this s**t.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Just how Thai should I become?

I have always been a person that tries to adapt as quickly as possible yet distancing himself from others. I have lived in several countries so I dont really have one home anymore. Thais like to ask how things are in "your home country" and I always need to ask them, which one? In fact I dont even know because I havent lived in some of them for a long time.
Back to the topic.
Normally, I would observe people throughly and just do the same because that is how people do it in my new place. That involves many many things.

Communication is absolutely crucial to blending in and adapting to a new place. If you want to become "one of them" you just have to try to speak like the people in your new place. That is not very easy in Thailand. If we move from - say - Montréal to Paris - it's still "the same language". If we move from Cardiff to Melbourne, it is also roughly the same language. Even if we move from Copenhagen to Auckland, it's still rather similar. But from xxx to Bangkok, it isnt. Thai is not easy to learn. But hey, I was mistaken as a half-Thai the other day by a taxi driver and complimented 4 times on my Thai at Chatuchak Weekend Market today. So we can all make an effort and blend in a little bit on communication at least, no matter how hard it is.

Customs are small things, gestures, ways of behaving...such as how to eat, where to eat, when to eat, how to greet, how to interact in general...I have noticed that in Thailand I have become more feminine. My voice and gestures have become softer as well. I eat whenever I want to and have lost some weight due the diet. I never put the bag on the ground anymore but on my lap or on a chair next to me. One thing I dont do very often is to wai people. (wai-ing is the thai way of greeting each other with the folded hands) I think foreigners really overdue it normally, wai-ing every single person at the supermarket or cinema or restaurant. That is ridiculous. Thais only wai in a rather formal context. (that can include family members). One more thing that I noticed about myself is the way I conduct appointments and the way I make decisions. I have changed somewhat from a very organised to a very unorganised and most scarily to an INDECISIVE person. This is very Thai. Before, I used to make schedules days in advance. Now, for example last Friday I booked 5 people for an evening....sorta. Ended up with.....oh I cant even remember. Ah yeah, it was horrible. A guy that I met before and I actually liked him. This time we had dinner around here and then went to my place. That's when he started drinking from my minibar and boasted THREE times about how big and hard his cock is, only to announce that he had get up and leave. What an asshole. Makes everything about himself.

My mental state after one of these gorgeous Thais left my room.

Dating. But this now swiftly and conveniently onto dating. Lately I have tried to date with "real" Thais. That means, guys who havent slept with 10 Australian backpackers, 10 English businessmen and 10 German tourists but rather someone who might have never met a foreigner before for a date. This has ups and downs and I am not sure how to confront this topic just now. Dating these "exclusive" Thais like the Lumpini boy before and now the Rachada boy is immensely frustrating. They dont speak a lot of English (and I dont speak a lot of Thai) and they are not used to farang being around them. We have had dozens of misunderstandings and I am always very puzzled as to what's going on...why do they do this? why dont they do this? The upside is: they look gorgeous and much better than the ones that get chosen by foreingers normally. But, they know it and they want to be adored, touched and so on...and dont give very much back in turn.

that's a huge contrast with some of these guys that always lurk around foreigners...and know for example that in belgium people speak two languages.

So what should I do? Gorgeous Thai or not so gorgeous but very used to farang....I am tired for now there wont be much of both...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

clichés of gay bangkok - 1

I have now been here in Bangkok for about 6 months and have met many, many, (too) many people (mostly gay men). Some of them have gone on to be really close friends (not that many), some are friends (some), others will remain acquaintances (many) and some I will never see again (most).
There are some patterns and experiences that I would like to share with you as something like a first resumé of the gay aspect of my stay here in Bangkok.

"gay paradise"
wooow, you live in bangkok, it is a gay paradise isnt it? If I talk to about 10 gays from all over Asia, Europe or wherever, about 9.999 of them would say this sentence. yes, bangkok - or thailand in general - has the wonderful reputation of one if not THE gay paradise of the world. surely, these reviews focus on the general acceptance of gays (of all colour, age and shape), the rather vivid night-life, the availability of sex and possibly the general culture of thailand where beauty and the exterior are highly valued, somewhat corresponding to gay values.
let me assure you, for me personally and for many others, it is NOT a paradise. surely, we dont get shot or hanged for being gay and there are gays literally around every single corner of this city. but let me assure you, if you are into anything a bit longer-lasting than a quick fuck, you will struggle in this place. Now I dont know about other big gay cities in the world such as San Francisco, Sydney, London or Amsterdam but I find it damn hard to find people that are a) serious, b) smart, c) reliable d) attractive and e) funny. And please dont tell me there are no cultural barriers and it's all just because of the language. the language IS an important factor and it is easier to talk to someone who has a decent command of english. (but I dont really blame them if they dont, I might as well blame myself for not speaking Thai just so well yet) I met plenty of hot guys, plenty of funny guys, plenty of smart people, but a combination of these virtues are rare! And if he DOES have all these virtues, then he will 100% not be interested in me.

"why dont you have a boyfriend?"
Everytime I start talking to someone they will ask: "do you have a boyfriend"? And everytime I will answer: No I dont. But by then, the person talking to me would be shocked and in disbelief and asking: "why (dont you have a boyfriend)?" I normally reply: "why should I?" The notion of "boyfriend" has really been destroyed in gay Bangkok. I have not met one couple that is steady and where both parts do not cheat. On the contrary, I have slept with quite a few guys that would later tell me (or not) that they already have a boyfriend. If it is their conception of having a boyfriend to just fuck one guy a bit more than the others, then I'd rather be single. for me, boyfriend is a serious word and concept. Then, there is this somewhat odd creation of a culture of"gig". A "gig" describes basically everything between friends and relationship. As a rule of thumb, Thais dont sleep with their friends. that is no problem however, you will just be elevated onto gig-status and then you are allowed...all in all there is a striking ease with which people can change their status with others.
But when people ask me: "do you have a boyfriend?" I havent found out if they actually mean having a boyfriend - or just a gig.

"...ok lets just be friends"
In bangkok, the second question (after: "do you have a boyfriend"?) will be: "are you top or bottom?". This is very very important here. In general, most gays here play only one of the two roles. Either they are a bit effeminate and are the bottom or they are quite masculine and play the top. There is a considerable minority of guys who can do both and who are most of the time a bit of mixed character too. Now for thais, having sex means having anal penetration in 90% of the time. Some guys would ask me where I keep the condoms after not even 5 minutes of foreplay. Since I am more of a bottom, and I often talk to bottoms too because I find them more attractive, I get this answer 90% of the time if we are both bottoms and it becomes revealed: "ok, we can be friends". and immediately after that: "can you introduce me to someone?". Basically, two bottoms or tops doesnt work in the thai gay mind and you instantly fall from grace and even get asked if you can provide them with someone more fitting. I think that's both tasteless and silly. two bottoms and tops can also have great fun and no one deserves to be dropped like a hot potato for releasing their sexual position or role.

"fridae vs gayromeo type"
This is an idea that I only just had today due to recent experiences. In online-dating, where I met most of my acquaintances, people can roughly be divided into the "gayromeo" and the "fridae" crowd.
"gayromeo" gays are more likely to be from the countryside, are likely to speak quite a bit of english, have a lower level of income and are quite used to dealing with farang. this is the bunch of gays that actively target foreigners, either because they just like them or often also because they think that the farang can be a source of money.
The "fridae" type of guy has higher education, is a bit older, is mostly thai-chinese, often doesnt speak english, is mostly interested in meeting other Asians and is often not used to contact with farang at all.
Most people I met from gayromeo since it's easier and since I didnt take fridae seriously until a few months ago. Gayromeo guys are used to contact with foreigners. they would know the countries and ask rather specific stuff. Mostly they are quite easy and basically want to have sex. A hug will do the job to break the ice and in no time your underwear will be off. sadly, the ratio of guys that want to get money out of me as opposed to actually be attracted to me, is sadly rather high on gayromeo. I find them rather easy to recognise however. They always want to meet right now, have that "moneyboy" look and have many clicks as well as guestbook messages by gentlemen of older age.
Fridae guys are much much more to my taste. I prefer the urban thai-chinese look and often these guys are really smart and have good careers and amazing looks. I have only talked to one moneyboy on that site (I think at least). However, as a foreigner it's not easy there. farang have a bad reputation among Thai gays it seems (and perhaps rightly so) as sex-crazed butterflies, hopping to inseminate whatever partner we can find. On fridae, many guys have never talked to a farang and are very shy to do so....with these guys, even though they have a similar social and educational background and they are less "exotic" the misunderstandings can paradoxically be much bigger - mainly because I am often the first foreigner that they meet. Some of them freak out, others though want to become my boyfriend after meeting one time (and I am not talking about moneyboys) ....

Monday, October 13, 2008

working my way down the "people-to-meet-list"

back in bangkok for a week and it's been busybusybusy and very hot. I thought winter is around the corner but it's been quite burning and really humid at times.

I have taken a long time to write anything here on the blog because after the story with the chinese secret service boy in farangland I couldnt find anything as substantial and interesting to write about. But then again I cant fall for someone different every single week so you I will offer you an update of the situation. It's not like I have been quiet sitting at home waiting for my prince to appear. For some reason, I have had DATE GALORE since I have been back.

How did that happen? Well.....when I was in farangland I had all these people writing me and I always had to say: "yes I live in bangkok but I am away at the moment". "So when will you be back?" "October 8." Well, for these guys October 8 must have been some kind of day of the appearance of the Holy Maria....because when I came back, I had clocked up such a large "people-to-meet-list" that I had to get moving quickly.

The famed "people-to-meet-list".

There was the Indonesian martial arts boy that I met in Singapore. (he is actually a friend of mine not just some guy). We met only for about 3 hours or so. I arrived late in the evening and he had to get up early (like at 5am) for something immigration-related. We had a good time but he was very nervous and shy. Nevertheless, when I had a shower he was suddenly standing behind me, so there goes the theory about shyness. The rest of the evening will remain uncommented.

Then, the japanese tourist number 2. Remember number 1? He introduced me to yoka boy (who by the way seems to be busy or something...I prefer SMS and he doesnt call me so we stay silent). Number 2 was fun. I went to have gorgeous dinner at CentralWorld Mall with him, where some hi-so Thais celebrated a birthday with Thai karaoke - WONDERFUL, I just LOVE Thai music. Then we went to this mind-bogglingly colourful and crazy Hindu festival in Silom, which was a procession for Ganesh. There were manymanymany gays and kathoeys (ladyboys) watching and I was wondering why...then I found out that Ganesh is the Hindu god for overcoming obstacles and creativity... so we gays must love him - logical isnt it. Then there were some men in trance (I suppose they must have been "in contact" with the gods) that were walking around in the procession and they dispersed powder and garlands over the people - some of them even had spears through their cheeks - it was amazing. Then, japanese tourist number 2 got a dirty shirt from the powder so I offered him that he can wash it at my place. That was a mistake because he then stayed overnight and I thought I cant send him home at 2am...great, my heart is just too good.

In the evening I met Lumpini boy. He's the prettiest guy I ever was on a date with. And that made me very very shy. We stayed in the park for a long time and just talked. It was nice. He's smart and very pretty but also quite shy. Then somehow we went to my place and he felt less comfortable. However, he then sat next to me and started kissing me with the softest and most tender lips ever. It was very nice. Afterwards, he sat up and said: I have to leave now. He was probably waiting for me to say: NOOOO. But I was so shy in the light of this beautiful creature. So he left.

The weekend, I just stayed at home - until sunday night, when some 19yo boy asked me to come to his condo. He seemed nice enough and I could trust him immediately that he wouldnt strap me of cash, rape me, throw me from his balcony or anything alike. He owns a big internet-site and makes a lot of money out of that. He has any gadget you can imagine and just crashed his brand-new BMW. He will get a new one though. It was nice enough. This boy (he's not a man yet the way he was playing with his gadgets and mentioning BMW's) is used to dealing with farang, I could tell - and there were more things from my farang home country in his appartment than in mine...that was odd. But he's a nice guy, if a little childish.

Yesterday then finally, I went to Rachada to buy a new badminton racket. I remembered that a guy that I chat to lives around there. Surely, he was just working out in the gym while I was at the same mall. We talked for a long time and even though his english is not very good, he tries to articulate himself and talks non-stop anyway. He's a little clown and a welcome distraction from the general shy Thai crowd. Rachada boy is tall, the same age as me, has a welcoming, cute face and as I said, is really fun to hang out with. That's good news.

In other news, tonight my ex-boyfriend will arrive here in Bangkok to stay for 10 months. I dont even know why I havent written about him in this blog because we actually get along really well. Lets see if this will go "back to the future" eventually or not. Also, my dad will visit soon. In the holiday section, me and my buddy the moralist will soon venture out to the countryside for a weekend trip and a week later, I will be off to the beach with my classmates. Wonderful. Life as bangkokbitch is busy as you can see and I hope I can work down the "people-to-meet-list" a little bit.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Chinese Secret Service Boy – Part 5 – the goodbye that never was

I am in the plane back to Asia from farangland. These two weeks have not been what I expected at all and I left behind much more than I would have thought.
But you don’t really want to know about all the assignments that I wrote, the meetings that I had, the weather, the cultural things, the arguments with some friends and the significant group of friends that I actually just omitted and also the fact that I felt surprisingly attached to my old city (well one of them anyway).

BB saying goodbye.

Nope, this trip was surprisingly mostly about one person, mister Jacob. I know, secret service boy sounds so much cooler and I really thought he is one. He has quite a few oddities about himself and keeps quite a few things hidden and tucked away. This man is a cautious, shy and composed and steady person. And that fascinated me. A lot of Thai gays are amazingly beautiful, sexy, charming, flirty, easy to get into bed but they are also unsteady, not very interesting to talk to, impulsive and not to be bound by anyone else. That is just my opinion reflecting my experience, I think most of you will agree though. In that way, Jacob was such a refreshing change. It frustrated me immensely at the beginning that we couldn’t just go to his place, cuddle and sleep with each other – but now, looking back, this was exactly the right way to handle our relationship, whatever it is/was. And for that, I must thank him. I have long not felt such a desire to only be held, touched and smiled at. At the end, the dynamics between us was relationship-like. We went out for dinner, we went on a trip, we shared things, we poured each other tea, we discussed many, many things, we smiled and we sulked (at least me) but all without very much physical touch. These are the dynamics that a relationship consists of, even though it isn’t one. Mister Jacob isn’t a person who expresses his feelings in an overwhelming way – it’s downright cute to see how he tries to keep a straight face sometimes. I, on the other hand am a much more emotional and expressive person. Sometimes I was longing for a sign of affection – and Jacob did gave them to me, even though they were sown sparingly and they were not that obvious.
Leaving farang city, it felt like leaving behind someone very, very close. I am not saying the L- and the R-word. But I sometimes think of them. The whole thing of course was overshadowed by me only being in farang city only temporarily so the “what if-questions” do come up sometimes. The real “test” to how much this Jacob-episode meant will of course follow now. I will follow my heart and see what it says.
Finally, what really happened at the end: We met for dinner- this time at a Korean restaurant that I used to go to rather regularly. We had dinner and talked and talked. Then, we were thinking of going somewhere else but frankly, I just wanted to rest – and he wanted to rest too. So we parted with a big hug and smile. That was the last time I saw him.
We were planned to meet for coffee on the morning of my departure but my phone made a mess of my schedule and at 1am, I realised that my flight departs at 9am, not at 3pm. I called Jacob – no answer. I packed and went to bed and got up again early enough – and called Jacob again – no answer. In the plane, just before departure I got a distressed SMS – he left the phone in the living room and couldn’t hear it – and he was very very upset by this. In an outburst of emotions, he said that he really really wanted to see me for that last time and that he will miss me. That was sweet. I wanted to give him a little card to show my gratitude and affection but it had to be posted from the airport instead.