On to the countryside

The last few days were very busy. Only a week has passed since I have been here but I already cant remember on which day we did what.

In these last few days, we walked through an artsy district where there are at least 50 theatres close to each other, and where we saw an impromptu performance of a contemporary dance group. The setting was so beautiful. The winter sun shone on the stage and the shiny yellow of the ginkgo tree leaves gave the scene a very yellowy, orangey, warm feeling.

We also went for more shopping to the Dongdaemun area. This is the Jatujak market of Seoul, where you can find everything - mass-produced sadly. We did find about four shops however with cute clothes and bought a lot there, since Dongdaemun prices are decidedly below other areas.

The boyfriend and I also met an old friend from Switzerland. We used to play volleyball in the same team when we were teenagers. The boyfriend asked what kind of player I was. My friend said I was difficult to play with and the bf suggested I was probably a drama queen player.

We had seafood stew (reader JR will enjoy if I put the Korean word up: 해물탕)

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ (This is the Korean version of the Thai: 5555555+)

(5 in Thai is pronounced HA, so 55555 becomes hahahahaha)

The visit is also getting much more family-oriented. We planned to go on a countryside trip two days ago, but yesterday was the boyfriend's grandad's death anniversary. That is a big event in a family, where some people come together and celebrate a little ritual.

The family was extremely friendly and it was really nice to see the boyfriend rediscovering his family, and me being welcomed so openly. I was introduced by the dad as "best mate"...whatever that means...:)

In a moment, we should be off to the family home upcountry. I wonder if I am going to be reminded of the Thai countryside or if the urban jungle of Korea has even reached the backwaters, where the boyfriend's family is originally from.

p.s....pictures to follow when I have more time...

The image of Korea: unfriendly people and TV dramas?

In Thailand, Korean people are not seen as very friendly or warm. Korea is also seen as a country with no history to speak of. Instead, Korea's image is tinged into a rosy coloured fluffy world. This is the world of dramas and boy bands.

For all those of you who dont know, Korea is THE Asian leader in producing popular culture. It used to be Japan, but now it's Korea. They do two things very well:

1.producing TV dramas that capture the Asian masses from Manila to Jakarta, Bangkok to Beijing and Taipei to Hanoi. 2.producing boybands with the cutest and most handsome singers of all Asia and market them extremely well to the masses of (see above...)

Korea is doing something what America has done for a long time. Make the people like your country via popular culture. This is a very powerful tool and I can see what crazy thing it does to my Thai (girl)friends' minds. They think Korea is some kind of heaven where cute boy band members are just waiting to be married.

Anyhow, needless to say that the image is wrong. Just like the image of Europe that Asians have (castles, old buildings, lifestyle etc) is somewhat wrong.



Korea is developing extremely quickly, perhaps most visibly seen in the thousands of apartments that have sprung up in the last few years. Development comes at a price though. And as usual, not all people manage to catch up. Old people are forced to take on development, as attendants on the subway are no more. You can not buy a ticket from a person anymore in the subway, it's just machines there.

The dear old people seem to cope pretty well though and I have seen old people help other old people use the machines. I have also seen that people are actually extremely friendly to help with anything. This has surprised me a bit, since Korean people are often seen as brash and loud. However, I do remember when I was here alone, I did struggle a bit with the people. As long as you can speak Korean, it's fine but if you dont, expect people to turn away from you.

Another thing which was pointed out to me by my boyfriend is the people's personal freedom. Society here is very Confucian, so essentially organised in a similar way as in China, or even among Chinese Thais. Family means everything and age and status counts a lot.

Yesterday, when I met my bf's auntie, she immediately asked my age. I thought she perhaps wanted to say that I look younger or older, but it was just to know my age, nothing to do with my looks.

Another interesting story to tell happened two days ago. The boyfriend's dad invited us to come to a shop where a friend of his sells ropes. We arrived there and were told to sit down and have a drink. We were served Korean wine, which tasted like marshmallows mixed with cidre and told to have some pig's trotter and kimchi. Great, I thought. We get invited in a real Korean way.

Then the men started to introduce themselves and shake our hands. A few moments later, I noticed that something was a bit off, when the business owner started to talk about his daughter and my bf's family. Then, I overheard him talk about a party at his house and by then I remembered that the boyfriend told me that his dad is suggesting that he should meet this girl he used to know for a drink.

Ahhhh, now the pieces came together. My boyfriend, still unmarried, was to meet this man's daughter at a party so they could get to know each other. The boyfriend got very uneasy about it all and wanted to leave quickly. Outside, he told off his dad for taking us to the man and told him he will never meet this girl.

It's not all as dramatic. His dad was not the main player in it all, it was the business owner who organised it. I was also to meet his other daughter (I didnt understand that in the conversation earlier on) on the countryside in their house somewhere. It did not sound intriguing to us...



The boyfriend's dad officially does not know that we are a couple. He knows me for years though. In New Zealand I often took the phone when my boyfriend was away. I learned how to say that my boyfriend is at work and when he will come back in Korean. Now we got to finally meet.

It's all good and there are no problems. We can not communicate so much though but that doesnt matter so much. The dad is very friendly and an active person. We bring him some food home every day and he loves it. It's probably even obvious to him that we are a couple.

But, it's not easy for parents to accept our identity. The first step, to somehow realise that their son is different and is not so interested in getting married to a girl and have kids is probably quite easy. Parents feel quickly when something is happening to their children. The second step, to really accept the fate that the son will fall in love with other men is probably quite difficult.

The boyfriend's mum has passed step number two a while ago. Last night, we met her at her apartment, which is not quite in the centre of town. She lives in a small studio above her sister's BBQ restaurant, but we went to each Kamja Tang (Potato soup) together.

I used to think the soup is quite spicy and tasty but since I am used to Thai food, I would say it's quite herby. The main ingredients are potatoes, pork bones (with some delicious meat of course), leaves, rice cake, mushrooms and other vegetables. It's delicious. The soup is boiled in a big pot and everyone eats directly from it.

In Korean restaurants, such food is eating on a very low table. This would be a horror for Thais, because your feet are constantly pointing at people and your bags and jackets are put on the floor next to you. The floor is wooden and warm but also hard and I lost any feeling in my right leg by the time we were finished...

Later, the bf's mum bought us giant Peppero sticks. Today is Peppero day and girls have to buy their boyfriends peppero sticks. (Peppero is the Korean equivalent for Pocky, a wafer stick with chocolate around in different variations). Then, the boyfriend showed me his old school and old apartment building where he grew up until 10 (when they moved to New Zealand).

It was very nice to see the surrounding and imagine a cute little primary school boy, who will later become my boyfriend, run around the neighbourhood.



Then, we went back to the mum's apartment and watched Korean dramas. I heard about them so many times but never actually watched one. And now I know why people can get hooked to them. So much happens in one show. Something like the husband of a woman goes through plastic surgery to take revenge for an affair. Then the nurse falls in love with him. The guy suddenly has a brother turning up who is having an affair with the wife. Etc....it's all.....well....drama.

So, my experience reinforces what commentator JR said two posts ago. Koreans are very welcoming and we are welcomed as a member of family very quickly.

The temperature is dropping and it was only about 5 degrees last night. Today I better wear my new ultra-warm jacket!

Impressions from Korea

We played this game trying to win a cute alarm clock. You have 20 seconds time and one try to position the white probe. We failed...:(




No hugging allowed in this cinema! And dont even think of making out with your boyfriend.




This was a very interesting exhibition with paintings from a former North Korean propaganda painter. It featured Kim Jong-Il as a femme fat dancer and other interesting paintings...loved it. The painter's alias is Sun Mu. He will not tell us his real name otherwise his family in North Korea has a problem.

On a more lighthearted note. THE DONKEY SHOW. In Korean it says something about a romantic play but I dont see any romance in this....just hot Korean men...! I dont know what the donkey refers to either....

Arrived in Seoul

The area where we are staying

Well, what I can tell you so far from staying there for two days is that there are plenty of them around. In fact, they are EVERYWHERE! The boyfriend and me attract quite a bit of curiosity from gays. They are quite curious about this farang-korean couple it seems. And they are actually quite open about it too. This is a bit surprising to me. When I was alone the last two times, I did not attract any interest.

Either I looked ugly then, or I didnt go to the right places, or I was not obviously a gay person. Now however I am and the interest is there. One more thing about Korean men: they are simply gorgeous. Someone should have told me before I moved to Thailand, but I am sorry I prefer the Seoulites...They have clearer and sharper faces, and are a bit on the taller and broader side than the Thais. And....they have style.

This is another thing I didnt notice the last time. In fact I was disappointed. But dressing up is really in fashion here. A very popular style is a black casual jacket with a buttoned shirt and jeans. niiiiiice. plenty of variety too. And there are now a lot more fashion stores too. I love the winter fashion here. Sadly, it's all a little expensive....and it slightly pisses me off to see people younger than me shopping casually in expensive shops.

One more thing about Korean men. I am afraid but my gaydar is sometimes really failing me here. It's blinking too much, when it should not. In fact, I am not sure....because I can not believe how feminine Korean guys act sometimes. There are ads with handsome men wearing pink clothes, jumping around waving their hands. It's just so.....GAY! But no, they have a girlfriend, and even carry her handbag! Today, I spotted one checking his hair throughly in the mirror while the girl was shopping for clothes.

Now who knows what this all means. Perhaps there is a little repressed girl in "oh-so-many" straight guys in the West too, or maybe some of these Korean men are in the closet and get totally dominated by their woman. We do not know, but i'll try to observe more.

Lotte World inside

Today, the boyfriend and I went to Lotte World. That's a theme park, similar to Disney World. Most is under a giant glass roof and I really can not believe how many rides and other things they can fit under a roof! I must admit I am not big on theme parks, but the boyfriend loves them. I did tell myself not to disappoint him and go on some quick rides. The first one was a balloon ride around the whole territory just under the roof. Nice!

Then, we chose the fastest ride next. I twas called "French Revolution", who knows why....It didnt look so quick. BUT IT WAS!!! It started off relatively easy, but then suddenly we went down 180 degrees....and left and right and around and upside down and gosh, my hair must have looked terrible! My head was spinning from then on and relaxed only hours later. But it was fun! The theme park was kind of odd, because all the rides and buildings had some sort of European ancient theme, where they deliberately mixed stone age, baroque, middle ages and who knows what. As long as it's a bit European. The rest was a weird mix of Egyptian and Arab design, with some monkeys eating bananas and playing the drums and some black man with huge eyeballs playing the trumpet (not real, just for show). It was on the border of racism sometimes.

Lotte World Outside

One thing I really loved about Lotte World was the "waving policy" for the employees. There was no bowing and wai-ing, there was only waving. Buying a ticket? Gamsahamnida (Thank you) Wavewavewave. You are going on the ride? Gamsahamnida. Wavewavewave. It was really cute. A wave with all the movement coming from the wrist....Again, it looked really gay actually. I did have a feeling most of these attendants were gay, because after all, smiling the whole day, waving and helping people is what we are good at, right?

Meet the parents

Tomorrow I am off to Korea. Well, I nearly missed my flight in the first place. I am departing from Suvarnabhumi at 1.15am. Have you ever had a flight departing just after midnight?

They are tricky I tell you. Everyone asks you, so when do you leave? And you are like....ahmmm, Saturday (since 7 November is a Saturday). Or should you be: Well Friday night....but it's actually Saturday already.

Anyway, you already know what happened. I thought I am leaving on Saturday evening and made up a breakfast date (with my professor...) on Saturday. I just thought I'd better check the ticket for the time and bingo, I am leaving a day earlier....Saturday but kinda Friday.

You get the point, I nearly missed my flight and would have not made it to Korea. Thank you professor for asking me out for a breakfast date.

In Korea, it's going to be autumn. I kind of miss the seasons here in Bangkok, although we did have a cool day the other day. It was about 24 degrees and everybody was raving about the weather on facebook and twitter. I saw that last week in nearly snowed in Seoul, but this week it's meant to be 24 degrees. That's quite crazy!!!

The boyfriend is in Korea with his parents, and I am going to meet his dad for the first time. I saw mum when she came to Thailand earlier this year and she's nice. Her face looks like my boyfriend's, especially when they smile, and they are very alike in their cheekiness.

I have talked to dad a few times on the telephone when we used to live in New Zealand. I told him that the boyfriend is at work (in Korean). I have forgotten how to say it though. From what I heard, dad is a calm but lovely man. I am very curious to see how they boyfriend's dad is like, because I see his son nearly every day! They must have a lot in common...

I nearly booked a hotel for my stay in Korea. We are going to be based in Seoul, where the parents live, but also travel through the country a bit. The boyfriend's dad however got really angry when he found out about this and said that I must stay at their place. That's very nice of him!

Sine I got invited to the boyfriend's family home, I had to get some gifts of course. I really like to be generous with gifts. I dont know why, but I just love to see someone's face when they are happy because of something you gave them.

But what to give? It's hard enough for parents (especially for dads!!!) but even harder for someone I have never met....I knew that the bf's dad likes to paint, and is good at it. Actually, the whole family either paints or makes music (boyfriend) or takes pictures (boyfriend's sisters). So, it had to be something artsy.

I came up with something risky; this:


In university I once learnt that there are three things that one should not talk about when meeting a stranger: politics, sex and religion. I am not only violating the religion part but also buying a piece of art, which is a very subjective thing in the first place.

But the picture is so gorgeous (and the boyfriend's dad is at least buddhist, the mum is catholic though) that I had to get it.

For the boyfriend's mum, it was much easier:


Elephants always do the trick in Thailand...and the thing to the right (I dont know how you call this....a wind chime?) is just so pretty!

I got all these things from the same shop, in Paragon....gosh....I had never even been to the souvenir section of Paragon. They had silk there that cost 8000 baht......from that moment on I was a bit scared of looking at prices. But then I found an area with things from the North, which is where I got my presents. They were good value (I would probably pay a third on a market though...).

Then again, the ladies there really had nothing to do and I felt sorry for them somehow. Besides, the goods are very good quality there.

Personally, I find it a bit hard to get souvenirs from Thailand for someone. Actually, there's a total overload of possible souvenirs in Bangkok, but I just havent really found that "one stop shop" for cute, artsy and not too expensive things. Do you have any suggestions?

Later, I went to the Paragon supermarket, where they have the Thai Gourmet Food section. Ohmygod, that is my favourite part of the whole mall. I got dried squid with Thai sweet chili sauce, crispy pork, Thai wafers, dried mangoes and bananas....mhmmmmm, and they let you try everything too!

That's it now, I have to pack (and finish watching America's Next Top Model). See you in KOREA!!!


By the way. Thank you so much for writing me to all the people who reacted to my "growing up-series". I am glad you found it heart warming (as one reader said).

To be honest, I felt confused after writing all these blog entries (I wrote them all in one go). I had just rushed through my childhood and teenage years in 3 hours....and suddenly, here I was in Bangkok on a Saturday morning....

Winter in Bangkok, No Loy Krathong for me

Wow, I am sitting here in my condo with the windows open and a cool breeze running over my skin. It's so nice! I didnt have that feeling in months. Last night, I slept without the aircon, for the first time in months too. I just left the sliding door to my balcony open.

Bangkokians are loving the arrival of winter. Literally all my Thai friends on facebook and on twitter comment on how they love the cool breeze. People who live in colder countries might now think we are crazy, but the hot weather here is actually not just fun.

I went out to Siam last night, and saw that a lot of people are layering their clothes already. Ah, the fashion conscious Bangkok kids. Not missing the opportunity to show off their cute jumpers or jackets a few times a year. The guards at my condo also wear heavy jackets and complain about the cool...

By the way...we are talking about 22 degrees here, and a bit more during the day.

All the other bloggers wrote about their Loy Krathong festival. I can too, but mine was not fun at all. I tried to meet my fellow blogger from Las Pilipinas, Kawadjan himself with his Pinoy gang.

This year, they decided they wanted to go to Chulalongkorn University for the celebration. I have also heard it's nice there so we were meant to meet there around 7pm. It was packed, like really packed.

The famous Thai organisation skills also added to the chaos - they only opened two gates of 2metres width for thousands of people to enter AND exit the campus. There was chaos, and pushing and an old lady pushed so hard into me, I suddenly thought she stole my wallet. At this moment I was actually SURE she stole me wallet, so I ran out of the crowd to check my bag.

At this stage I had my phone in my hand. I found my wallet and was really, really relieved. I didnt really fancy calling my credit card offices overseas and lose all sorts of other souvenirs and cards I have in my wallet!

In this moment I must have done something with my phone. I think I put it down on the ground. No idea, but it was not there anymore when I got back 5 minutes later. I went to MBK straight away, to check out new phones. Hahaha, my reaction was so immediate.

But I couldnt meet my friends because there's no way in finding friends in such a busy event. No Loy Krathong for me, but the boyfriend is away anyway, so it wouldnt be so romantic...

I did finally get a new phone yesterday. But lost all my contacts, so all my old "friends" from my more active single times are now deleted. That's ok though...

I am not sure if readers liked the series on my past. It was a bit long I must admit. The main purpose was just to show readers "my story". I always think it's interesting to hear or read about the way a gay person grows up, finds out about his own interests, not just sexual but also emotional. The first gay kiss, the first love, the first pain and how we deal with it.

In my case, the family, especially mum has been very sweet with me. I am thankful I can talk to her about problems, but often wish they would all live a bit closer to me...or I a bit closer to them rather!

The reader's reactions have been cold. There wasnt much feedback and only one person bothered to write a bit about their own story. That's ok though. I understand.

When I read other blogs, I dont have the energy to comment anymore. I dont know why but I just dont feel like contributing to an argument or making a point anymore. It's a bit ironic, because we all like to get a lot of comments on our posts, yet we dont comment on other blogs...

I did see on Google Analytics though that the time people spent on the site was much higher than before. 3 minutes is the average that people spend on my blog, before it was 1 minute. Not very much considering the effort that has to be put into the blog.

Thank you anyway to all the loyal readers, and I hope you did enjoy reading some of my experiences and the few pictures I added too. That meant a lot to me actually.

Me growing up – part 5: the family and me being gay

Papi and mami

After he broke up with me, the first thing I did was calling mum and tell her about what happened. Actually, I told my parents that I had a boyfriend just after I got together with him. They were not happy, but I lived far away and saw them less and less.

I don't know what they thought at the time, but mum and I went on a trip to Paris where she and I got drunk together. That’s the first time we openly talked about me having a boyfriend and whom we would tell and whom not.

During that time, I didn't have a close relationship with my parents. I lived 2 hours train ride away and didn't go home to see them often, because I rather spent my weekend with my boyfriend.

I don't know how things changed, but over time, everything went better. I invited my boyfriend to my home sometimes, where he met my parents. They got along well and even met his parents once. But I lived a life where my parents didn't play a big role.

This changed over time, especially after I came back from New Zealand, where I met my second boyfriend, a New Zealander. To be honest, it was a relationship to forget. We shared nothing. We just had a good time with each other watching movies and doing other stuff…

Back in Switzerland I had a long-distance relationship with him and I was staying with my parents a lot. Our bond grew a lot, but I don't think we discussed gay things so openly.

This was in 2005. Now, things are very different. I talk very openly with my mum, and she asks about my boyfriend. Dad even met him when he came to Thailand they seemed to get along ok. While I was not so sure of my relationship once, mum said something sweet: “you know you can always come to me if you have relationship problems, maybe I can help you”.

On Christmas, the boyfriend will be with me in Switzerland, the first time I will be at a family Christmas in 6 years! Christmas itself doesn't mean much to me, but as a family event, it means a lot to me.

The fact that my boyfriend will be able to join makes it very exciting. Every year I got sent pictures from Christmas including my brother’s and my cousin’s girl- and boyfriends. This year, my cousin even has a baby. Times really do change…and I am not very old yet.

From what I hear from other friends, I am actually quite an average case. I know this is a generalisation, but I heard a lot of times that gay sons get closer to their mum over time but not really to their dads.

I am close to my dad, but we don't talk about relationship issues. I wouldn't even think of doing it. I don't know if I should, or if it’s totally ok to not talk about such issues with my dad.

I am really proud though that my grandparents (I still have all 4!) get to meet my boyfriend. Even though by now, everyone in the family knows I am gay, I want to be open with them and proudly present them my darling.

Grandma, grandad, my brothers and dad

My grandad is getting old and I am their oldest grandchild. Maybe they were hoping for great-grandchildren from me. They know by know there is no big chance for that, but now they have their great-grand child from my cousin.

The other grandparents.

I think there are a lot of issues related to my story that are worth discussing. I can think of many cultural issues for example. Most of my friends now are Asian and the way they grow up can be a bit different from my upbringing.

I was incredibly free. I lived away from home after I turned 19 and lived at least half a dozen time zones away since I was 21. My boyfriend’s parents for example are separated and his mum knows about him being gay and I even met her. But I am only going to meet his dad next week.

Coming out to family is a big issue we have to go through. We all do it differently. Some of us tell it while Gloria Gaynor is blasting “I will survive”, others will just slowly leak information to their parents, others chose never to talk about it even though everyone knows, again others get thrown out of their house, maybe even their families.

I realise I am privileged to have such a family and want to thank them for being so kind to me. See you at Christmas!