Tuesday, October 28, 2008

dating thais - a wrap up

The same topic is coming up time and again. We (a lot of us reading this blog) live in Bangkok and we would like to date Thais since they are gorgeous and since there are also many Thais here. It is easy to meet them, it's easy to sleep with them and it's also easy to have a good time. But wait, some of us would like to try to start something a bit more serious - and that's where the problems start.

In my last post, I talked about the failed try to date Rachada boy. I knew it was never going to work and my blog entry was just there to astonish you how silly the local gays are. The fact that I got quite a response, also from the blogging guru of all blogging gurus of pink bangkok, bkkdreamer. I quote his comment: "While I was looking, all I found was misery. They are either possessive-obsessive, or oddly detached and couldn't give a damn."
Thank you, bkkdreamer. That sums up my feeling of 7 months in the city of angels trying to meet someone special.

During my time in Bangkok, I have had dozens of dates. I liked some and tried a bit harder. I met rich hi-so Bangkokians in Audi TT's, handsome men who have studied abroad and speak perfect English. I have also met average Thais who have never met a farang on such a level before. Finally, I also met someone on the street, poor and from the countryside.

Thais give us headaches

What did I find ultimately? Read the quote: misery. The passivity (which is often feigned) drives me nuts. Why does the farang have to do the work and why do the Thai gays always like to be fabulously passive, verging on the "couldnt give a damn" that bkkdreamer said above. However, when you tell them about someone else, e.g. competition, they suddenly become vicious and jealous. Some of them actually dont even reach that stage because they are bored of not being desired and wouldnt do anything to mitigate that.

I must say, I have committed sins too. I just let people fall sometime after we had sex. The curiosity is gone and the interest too. But I wouldnt play games.

This is by the way not just a gay bangkokbitch problem. This is a universal problem here in this country. People are often strikingly careless, only to fall into a giant pit of sorrow and self-pity and seeking "the culprit's" sympathy. However, if someone else comes along, they will happily move along as soon as possible. The other thing can happen too. We may not be interesting to them anymore for a few days only to get a sudden call or a message because the person felt bored. I have heard from straight, gay and lesbian friends (Thai and foreigner) complaining about the behaviour of these people here in Bangkok.

I am not angry or desperate or even despairing. I am just disappointed. Well, now I am dating seriously - finally. Not a Thai. A Korean, my ex-boyfriend, and it's getting rather serious...

10 comments:

gloria gaynor said...

absolutely no more thais then. tsk tsk tsk. their loss! *wink*

TAO said...

Oh, culture! It wrecks such havoc on relationships. While Bangkok is a haven for "bodies" its not much for "souls."

Over 25 years ago I enjoyed my youth in Bangkok and I did so with one Thai. For four years I traveled to Thailand every few months and we hooked up. We even traveled together outside of Thailand.

Would it have blossomed into anything deeper? Maybe or maybe not. I did learn to just enjoy, I came to grasp "Sanuk" and "Mei Phen Rai" and integrate them into my western value system.

It is all ying and yang...or as I was once told in Bangladesh: I cannot eat it for the bones and I cannot leave it for the taste...

That seems to describe life in Bangkok pretty well...

BB said...

gloria. dont worry...there are always stories to tell. after all this is still bangkokbitch's life...
tao. CULTURE. I shall write something about it sometime...i used to be universalist...all humans are equal etc...but now a bit more cultural differentialist...lets see what I can think of.

TAO said...

Culture...we all love to rejoice in it until we attempt to overcome it and then we realize that it is the hardest opaque substance in the world!

For a real cultural treat try the Phillippines! But the hardest culture I ever encountered and had to deal with was Korea...

BB said...

philippines.....WONDERFUL. i have quite a few pinoy friends and have been there one time and I love their warmth and happiness. with them I feel there are no (or at least less) cultural inhibitions than with thais. e.g. no need to step on the brakes and watch the mouth.
Korea...I know a lot about that country and some of the language... 2 years (and more) of relationship with a korean man. need i say more?

BB said...

oh i need to add something. koreans are...pretty insular...anything non-korean is suspicious but there are a few nice and open-minded people. a far cry from southeast asian people's friendliness though. i suspect japan may be even a tougher task but I dont know it so well...

Anonymous said...

I think you farangs just ignorant individuals - you do not fully appreciate the culture neither do you want to understand it. So embed with western values that cannot be imposed to different cultures, no wonder you guys are misreble old queens.

get out of Thailand!

BB said...

hey anonymous. I am really quite shocked to read your comment. I wonder where this hatred comes from.
If you read my other posts, you would probably not write this.
1) I am not an old farang queen. I was born in the 1980s.
2) I do very much respect thai culture. in fact, i learned how to write and read thai and I have ONLY thai friends here except two.
We all struggle with different cultures and I am writing about my personal frustrations with some aspects of the culture here. I am not the only one with these frustrations, in fact most of my thai friends have exactly the same problems with their fellow thais.
I am still quite shocked by your comment and wonder if you put all the farang into the same basket (e.g. old queen sextourist) you 1. can not include me, because I am not. and 2. lack some cultural understanding too by not trying to understand my point.
I hope I made myself clear and this is truly the first time I heard such rude words from a Thai.

Anonymous said...

Please enlighten yourself with my response title 'The Farang Enigma' at sawatdee-gay-thailand.com forums

BB said...

I read your topic starter and find your view interesting. you may reflect upon many farang-thai-relationships here but not on mine. as I told you I am not an old queen who came here to retire. I didnt choose bangkok for its "gay paradise lifestyle" but because of its university.
I didnt meet the "boys" you refer to who cant express themselves. most of the ones I met are affluent chinese-thais and many of them were professionals who have studied and lived abroad for many years. I am not in the babylon/dj station scene, if you suspect me of that.
I am very willing to have a discussion with you but do not push me into a corner into which I do not belong.