I am pretty sure that about 98% of the people reading this blog are totally fascinated, in love, enamoured, ravished, captured etc by Thai boys.
WHY?
This time I really, really, really want to hear from you, why do you love Thai boys? Why do you have a Thai boyfriend? Why do you travel to Thailand to meet Thai boys? What's so special about the "brand" Thai boys?
Send me your exciting opinions!
But let me make my point first!
I have recently begun thinking more seriously about Thai men again. I have started to talk to some guys again online and realised that even though we can talk well, I could NEVER imagine a relationship with a Thai guy.
SEX?
In my mood of excitement and freedom, I had sex with most of my meetings here. I have a list somewhere but cant find it right now - I think it was about 15-20 people. People of all sorts of backgrounds, shapes and ages. It turned out that most encounters were average, if not below.
There was hardly any innovation, fantasy, passion, even technique...I met no one who could kiss well and barely anyone who could suck my little bitchofbangkok down there well.
Generally, after a non-existant foreplay of about 2 minutes, my partners would ask me for condoms. Well at least they wore the protection...
Given the disappointment, I wonder why Thais are possibly the world's most famous prostitutes, sexworkers and moneyboys...
However, I must mention one case with whom I totally clicked on the sexual level. I have never told you about him but the first time we met, I gave him an orgasm which gave him a mini-heart attack.
When he ejaculated, he felt a sharp pain in his head, collapsed onto the shower tiles and mumbled weird things...after that he remembered nothing and had a headache for over 2 weeks...
So, it's not the sex. What else could it be?
THE LOOKS?
The looks. It's a matter of taste of course. Here, I must admit that Thailand scores really high! I can see it every day.
Thai gays know when they look good. And if they dont look good, they do everything to look good. And even the ones that do not try can have gorgeous features!
But would I date someone just because they look good? No.
THE PERSONALITY?
For those of you who are in a relationship with a Thai, how do you do it? Do number 1 and 2 really outweigh 3?
A few days ago, my good mate Kawadjan and me definitely decided that there is no Thai we would consider dating seriously.
Among the things we can not stand are:
Unreliability. basically, Thais work on impulses. If something appears to be good right now, if something tickles their fancy, it must be done or bought. See bkkdreamer's story of yesterday.
countless stories here. no-show because of "rain" and all sorts of reasons. Hi-so guy who, after kissing me on the BTS thought that the next time I should invite my friend too...and the hi-so guy 2 who wanted to be my boyfriend on wednesday (I didnt believe a word) and said he had "no feeling" on saturday.
Loyalty. I have met at least 5 guys who told me they have a boyfriend, mostly after sex. As far as I have seen and heard (quite a lot), everyone cheats. Long live the gig culture!!!
If it happens, it's treated more like a minor accident, such as spilling a bit of water on the floor...oops!
Conformity. I love individualists, people with their own taste, their own opinion, their own thoughts. That is hard to find here. Thais want to fit in groups and are taught not to have individual opinions.
I saw it in my class...my (nation-wide known) professor told me Thai students are bad because no one teaches them to disagree. I see it in fashion. Some celebrity wears a particular style, everyone else will do it.
Language problems. The differences are huge. It's just a fact. I do not believe in the fairytale love stories of couples who can barely speak each other's languages.
A proper relationship needs a common language, for daily entertainment but also for important discussions. And pleaaaaaase, do not tell me your boyfriend has a great sense of humour if he can amazingly detect your obviously placed tiny little bit of sarcasm.
Out of all my encounters, I had very good discussions with one gay, and he is my classmate at the elite-uni of the country.
It doesnt work, the differences are too big, values of Thais (if they decide to apply them for once) do not match with mine...it's a no go. Bangkok must be one of the worst places in the world to find a boyfriend!!... Now over to you please...!!
Friday, May 1, 2009
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16 comments:
An excellent summary - well done.
I too would like to know why Thais have a reputation for being such great lovers when so few appear to be aware of the importance of fantasy.
They are such tribal animals (preferably always in a group) that I find it hard to imagine them in a love setting with just their partner.
Aren't they feeling lonely with just one other person there?
I live with a Thai, of course, but he is more like a kid than an adult. I give him adult responsibility, but it blows up in my face.
Though I agree with you in general, I have still managed to find some real gems here (my boyfriend being one of them).
Nevertheless you seem to have been getting all the rotten apples...my experience in my single years was not that bad. I have stories though that would make you crack up though...
I have a very low tolerance for bullshit/stupidity/weirdness/shallowness/flattery which are so common here, and I always thought that talking to someone you have not a very good opinion of (you might be even wondering yourself...wtf am i doing here???) out of education or politeness is a true waste of time...so even if that has not made me Mr. popular I guess it has allowed me to meet the more "interesting" ones.
Now...koreans???? You have to explain that one to me... ;)
In my younger days I made quite a few trips to Thailand and while I only had sex with one, I understand the attraction.
The attraction is the negatives!
It is the looks, the child like joy and excitement. But the negatives that you mention, which are positives initially, are also why any such relationship is doomed.
You constantly are searching for a long term relationship but that is not something you find it is something you live.
You and your bf want to believe that your relationship is something special and something that you oculd not have with a Thai partner. Thats true because it is your relationship and there is no way to replicate that relationship with someone else.
Will it last another year or a lifetime? Who knows...
Life is moment to moment and relationships are the same...it is the sum total of moments that determine long term.
When in your twenties 3 years seems long term, when you are in your fifties 3 years seems like a one night stand...
bkkdreamer: thank you for your compliment!
maybe most people are fooled by the smiles?
in my experience family is NUMBER ONE with most thais, then friends, then possibly a "boyfriend"
anonymous: good on you for finding a gem. I have not gotten the rotten apples - I have tried a fair sample of apples and most of them looked shiny, pretty and colourful but tasted quite average:))
how did you meet the interesting ones if i may ask?
not koreanS, just one korean:) we met while we lived in farangland in the same city...
tao: I agree. I have no idea how long the relationship lasts. I just know i have found a very special person, which i came nowhere close to finding here due to the reasons i mentioned.
i had wrong expectations of that people i met and made some stupid mistakes too, however i stand by my judgement of guys here.
there MUST be exceptions - but they are few.
Along your line, Thai's work on impulses.
They eat when hungry, sleep whenever tired and have sex whenever they want "fun." If you happen to be in the right place at the right time you are lucky. Considering this a relationship when you do is all to common mistake.
Great points.
To take this into an entry-level, university communication course (maybe not at the elite uni of Thailand ;)), is it really them? Who's to say that child-like and 'unreliable' are really such negative characteristics.
Perhaps educated (and maybe young(er)) westerners find such behavior unsavory, but after living a working western lifestyle of complex loneliness, why not simplify... especially for a generation that had to fight to be gay.
Maybe that's the allure, even if it IS a "fantasy." The idyllic western gay story, one that many people think they'll find, but end up seeing that dreams are not so neat and tidy.
Yeah they want a sweet and kind, beautiful Thai 'boy' who will be child-like and loving. But again like you said, Thai people do not seem to know how to please western sensibility, or really themselves for that matter...
Eventually, the balloon bursts not perhaps because of the Thai, but because of the hot air everyone creates. Maybe the Thai don't know how to be what the outside world expects over the long term... They are just living, breathing, sleeping, eating :)... uhhhmmmm, I need to lay off the coffee. Sorry, good night.
What little benefit is gained by sticking people in a box and labelling them though I am sure it keeps you self satisfied.
Nothing more worthless than a stereotype.How can you hope to find a connection with your long list of requirements /pre requistes.
The crimes you accuse the locals of are common in every country. Shitty sex,one night stands,liars & cheaters,people afraid of commitment where is this wonderful place where these things don't exist? And the fairytale of the one true love now you really sound like a Thai BOY
Hi BB and friends, I read your comments on the subkj of Thai men. I met a Thai man in Boston Massachusetts, USA, where he was attending graduate school in economics. He was in the dining room and we glanced at each other. That was 12 years ago. His family is very wealthy and lives in Bangkok. At the tender age of 24, he had the maturity of a 40 yr old man, and at the same time a stunning face and God-like body. I was 47 at the time. Since then we have had but three minor arguments, our families close, and a joyful life as we moved to Vancouver BC where we exist with many white and asian friends. We plan to spend winters in Bangkok in a couple of years.
So, there are exceptions, and this man is a gem for sure! Loyal and the brains of this relationship! I am blessed and hope some here have the same joy!@
Wonderful mister anonymous. This is a nice story it seems. Am I starting to see a pattern? Are Thais overseas different than here? Maybe should post on this...
BB I think the difference lies within the heart.
Even here in Vancouver, it depends on the individual.
By the way, my Thai partner since 13 years old had Thai boy friends, then in the U.S. a couple of white boyfriends before we met up. I do not know if there is a pattern, if so I should capture it, reproduce like-minded Thai men, and the whole gay world can live in joy!
By the way, my name is Ron.
Difference lies within the heart of whom? Can you explain that?
What makes you so happy about these Thai boys that you want to clone millions of them?:)
I think BB what I mean by this is the motive found within the soul of the individual. The mark of true love is when one does something for another and but the other has nothing to give or offer in return.
The differences in the heart would be between the two lovers - their agenda, their long-term objective. I suspect one reason my bf chose me is he said "you have a plan." He told me he was tired of 20-something dating as it was taking him down deadends with no return but unhappiness.
What makes me happy about this type of Thai is that he is loyal, kind, supportive, giving of the heart and allows an equal partnership between him and his lover.
If I could clone my bf, I would gladly pass them to any of those out there who wander the streets of BKK or Pattaya each night "looking for love in all the wrong places" and ending up empty and with regrets until the next hard-on. The experience of true love is so amazing and life-enhancing. I would share it all with those less fortunate.
By the way, I read your Steamy Sauna story. Pretty nice.
Your web page is pretty interesting and well put together. I like it.
ron
ron:
giving and taking - the cornerstone of ANY relationship! even with your family...
I sometimes have the feeling too that when we are young, we feel we can get anyone, so maybe we think "oh there might be one who is just thaaat much cuter, hotter, smarter etc" I think I was guilty of this too.
oh goodness, if someone goes to pattaya to find love he deserves only a slap on his ass, no lovely cloned thai boy.
goodness, the steamy sauna story...it's true by the way..nothing made up there!
thank you for reading ron!
BB
I'm thai graduated from abroad and after I've read the story, I felt a bit offended and ashamed. It is yet to early to really generalize all the thai bois living in BKK or Pattaya. I'm sure there are many out there who would seek for LTR, the same thing like what you've been looking for. These things have become meaningless when there is money involved i think. I should have set another blog for thai on the topic' why do you love white guys' - Would probably be a good idea.
I met my bf while I was studying back then in Europe. I remember when he came to visit me in BKK (after I'd visited him 10 times for years), people still looked at me as if I was picked from the bar or on the 'duty'... (even if my bf just 3 yrs older than me).. The public attitude toward mixed couple won't change so many thai guys would prefer to live abroad if there is a chance.
But most of what you could see today are tons of white men coming to Thailand to settle down. Most of them are not less spoil than their thai partners..
So I'm glad people who check out here do have a heart and do not treat thai boys like an exotic toy..
hey ITPC adhoc...(what a long name):)
I can understand if you feel a bit offended.
But keep your cool and read the blog entry properly, and a few other articles too to know where I come from.
First of all, why do you talk about money and pattaya? I never went to look in these places to find a bf...I didnt want a toy, I wanted an equal boyfriend, on my level.
I am sure there are people who seek an LTR. I am sure there are nice and credible people out there.
But I found the people surprisingly monotonous...everyone asks you: "top or bottom" after 3 messages...
I think Thai people know exactly who is in a relationship where money playes the main role and who is not.
I do not want to talk about the gay farang men in Thailand...I do not know enough...I suppose it depends where you go...
Nice exchange of thoughts.all of you are intelligent people. How i wish i am too..bb, i want to connect with you. I have a lot of questions. I am new here in thailand.living in chachoengsao. I hope i can have little of your time to talk about same matters.tnx
Pot
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