Why do you love Thai boys? - the criticism

With the publicity comes the disagreement, especially since I wrote about a topic as sticky as Thai boys. For most people reading this blog probably admire Thai boys. However, I have been surprised as most people actually agreed with my points.

Let me respond and clarify.

First of all big thanks to fellow bloggers Kawadjan and Bkkdreamer for taking up this topic and supporting my point.

Kawadjan writes in his usual colourful way:

"While it's very tempting to add my views on the discussion, for now I'd keep my opinions on the matter to my self coz I'm obviously not as courageous as BoB. Let's put it this way, both posts made me nod my head several times until I nearly broke my frail neck."

Bkkdreamer who has lived with his Thai boyfriend for several years and says about him:
"At times, he has been all of the above. It depends on when you ask me. " and: "Fine, I say: You try living with one!"

For the criticism, an anonymous comment (by the way why are critiques always anonymous?):

"What little benefit is gained by sticking people in a box and labelling them though I am sure it keeps you self satisfied. Nothing more worthless than a stereotype. How can you hope to find a connection with your long list of requirements /pre requistes. The crimes you accuse the locals of are common in every country. Shitty sex,one night stands, liars & cheaters, people afraid of commitment where is this wonderful place where these things don't exist? And the fairytale of the one true love now you really sound like a Thai BOY"

Another anonymous commentator on bkkdreamer's blog adds:

All of this 'Thai guys are this way, Thai guys are that way' kind of complaint is usually a front foreigners put up to avoid responsibility for the type of guys they choose to be with. There is a certain Thainess to Thai guys- of course- but there is a wide range of levels of age, maturity, employment, responsibility, affection, skill in lovemaking, etc.If you find there is a pattern to your choices, the place to look for the pattern is in yourself, not 'Thai culture.'

Unsurprisingly, I was criticised for stereotyping. Yes, claiming that a whole country is like this or like that is of course a bit daunting and as a matter of fact, there are always exceptions to the rule.

In this case however I stand by my point and believe the (good) exceptions are few.

How can you hope to find a connection with your long list of requirements /pre requistes, you say.

Well, if I want to commit to someone, he better be compatible with me. Why would you NOT need a long list of requirements?

If you have good sex with someone but the rest doesnt work, that's called a f*ckbuddy. If you get on really well with someone and perhaps even like each other, yet there is no commitment, you are gig.

"a front foreigners put up to avoid responsibility for the type of guys they choose to be with"

really? who is stereotyping here? Think again, mister anonymous, I am not some sad old queen hopping from Silom to Pattaya and back to the gogo-bars of Surawong in the hope of finding my "true love".

"Different levels of age, maturity, employment, responsibility, affection"?

All done, from 22 to 32, mostly from Bangkok, from executives in big businesses, to teachers, to office workers to students. I do not know how to be more broad...

Also, I have seen a number of Thais complaining about the exact same issues.

Yes, you may actually not agree with what I wrote because your own taste may be different. I wrote from a subjective point of view, about the troubles of a farang-Thai relationship in my case.

The pattern IS in Thai culture. Yet I am not meaning to judge Thai people. They just have a different way of conducting relationships, which I believe is not compatible with mine.

Also, it's not their fault they do not speak English well. It's mostly our fault that we do not try to speak their language. I am trying, but it's not very easy.

I do believe these relationships are possible, but you need to bring:

TOLERANCE

read bkkdreamer's blog, and you know what is meant here. Thais have a totally different relationship to things such as money for example.

They will also happily take a phone call during sex, possibly even from their boyfriend, and then go on having sex after the call.

They can also ask you to be their boyfriend, only to walk away totally disinterested a few days later because they have probably found a "toy" which is more fun to play with. etc....

If you can tolerate their ways and love, the attraction or the good sex is stronger than the annoyances, go ahead...