Sunday, May 3, 2009

Why do you love Thai boys? - Revisited

So I had my rant, or lets say - carefully crafted argument - about seriously dating Thai boys.

One fact that I want to get straight. I might have sounded like an angry old queen. That is not the case - I am a bit disappointed, but mostly I am puzzled about the gay appeal this country has, yet its boys are unreliable, unpredictable, mostly not good in bed, speak a different language, live in a very different set of cultures in general...

so what's the buzz about? Where's the magic I didnt see?

The readers gave me some answers, mostly comments and one email. They have been very interesting indeed.

Prominent blogger BKKDREAMER is equally puzzled: "I too would like to know why Thais have a reputation for being such great lovers when so few appear to be aware of the importance of fantasy."

TAO gives us a philosophical answer (as always:): "It is the looks, the child like joy and excitement. But the negatives that you mention, which are positives initially, are also why any such relationship is doomed."

WAS ONCE agrees: "Thais work on impulses.They eat when hungry, sleep whenever tired and have sex whenever they want "fun." If you happen to be in the right place at the right time you are lucky. Considering this a relationship when you do is all to common mistake."

Indeed. I could not agree more! Many people talk about their "Thai boyfriend", which is often closer to wishful thinking than to the truth.

Only mister ANONYMOUS seems to have a different experience...having managed to find "gems" tell us where they are please!!! We want too!

I also received a sober and wise email from a reader called Robert. Robert is in his 60s, has started his gay life rather late and is now looking for a place where he can still find intimate contact with a youngster.

For him, that is Thailand. And he is under no illusion anymore that he can find "love" and "the right boy". Much the same conclusion as mine, however for slightly different reasons.

He concludes that "to expect nothing is the best course of action".

Just while I am writing this, I got another, extremely interesting comment, which tackles the whole issue from a different angle. ME TOO thinks we may have to look at ourselves first and think hard whether what we expect from a Thai boy is reasonable or not.

He writes: "Yeah they want a sweet and kind, beautiful Thai 'boy' who will be child-like and loving." And later: "Eventually, the balloon bursts not perhaps because of the Thai, but because of the hot air everyone creates. Maybe the Thai don't know how to be what the outside world expects over the long term... They are just living, breathing, sleeping, eating :)"

These are interesting points but somehow back my "cultural difference" argument. We misunderstand each other constantly, even just with friends.

Lastly, I would like to say that I am actually not just talking about a dream-like setting that I expected. I do in no way want to judge how Thais lead relationships. I just believe that they are not compatible with my values and expectations.

Yes, I was looking for a boyfriend but the reasons which prompted me to start this discussion, are trivial every-day life experiences, which for me personally would make it near-impossible to start anything serious with a gay Thai.

My personal desperation paired with the enthusiasm with which thousands of gay tourists and new residents come here to find a Thai boyfriend makes for a strange cocktail (to pun intended) which I am trying to explain.

After all, our final judgement will be defined by what we expect. And Thais must be the best people in the world to package something ordinary into something extra-ordinary.


Bkkdreamer said...

I didn't know that foreigners generaly expect Thai boyfriends to be fun and childlike.

While the Thai boy is allowed to abandon himself to childish impulses, who picks up the burden of responsibility?

The farang, of course. I wouldn't want that as a full-time job, thanks - which is why I expect my BF to share in every-day decision-making, planning and so on.

The fact that getting him to behave like an adult is a constant battle nonetheless, is beside the point.

If it can't run as a partnership, then it is not worth having, in my view. I can't understand why anyone would want it any other way.

Me too? said...

:), what... or who are we talking about here?

BB said...

Im confused "me too?"

care to explain your question?