Monday, April 20, 2009

Being in a Relationship in Bangkok - Part 3

I always notice that many people seem to be searching for a boyfriend, a companion, someone who is always there for us. But when they have one, they are still seeing other people. Some people even say it's stupid to only sleep with one guy because it's not fun. I ask you, why would you have a boyfriend whom you love if you go sleep with another guy every night?

Fun anyone?

I have come across a blog called "on hedonism", written by Spaniard who lives in London. The author writes about only one thing and each and every post goes the same. He meets a guy for a date, they go to his place/the hotel or whatever and have sex. So far so good, we have all done that - it's fun.

But then comes the important part. Every time, when his dates leave, he will write how sad he felt and that he really liked the guy and that he was either hoping that more could develop or sad that nothing more would develop.

What’s going on here? I think this blog is quite representative of the attitude which many people have. People look for company, sex, enjoyment and affection. They want to love and be loved. But when the hard part comes soon after, the renunciation of things, they quickly falter.

Are you willing to have the couple life and share everything?

Do not misunderstand me. I am not meaning to judge people on a good (relationship) and a bad (single and seeing many people) lifestyle. I am just making the point that if you really want a boyfriend or at least something more than a FB, then for god’s sake try a bit harder! You cannot have both. A boyfriend and still be available is not possible.

So how do I handle this situation? Here in Bangkok, unsurprisingly, every day quite a few people flirt with me. Some are cute, some handsome, some a bit less. Funnily, most gay Thais with farang boyfriends will check me out. I look at them, because often they are nice to look at. Often, I even imagine unspeakable things. I still chat online, albeit with very few people.

There's someone out there for you - if you want!

There are however boundaries. I will never lie to anyone, saying I am single. If they stop talking to me because I have a boyfriend, I can accept that, I used to do the same. Why am I even chatting to people? I don’t know, probably because of the same reason as a flirt with people, they are nice to look at. It’s like browsing a catalogue of expensive fashion. You can imagine yourself wearing the pieces, but you cannot afford them anyway.

The same with the Thai guys, I will not try them on. I will never have a date with any of them (unless we are really friends) and I would never, never invite anyone to my home. That would be like buying chocolate when you are on a strict diet – you are going to eat it!

Summing up this little series about relationships and Bangkok: If you really want a relationship, behave accordingly. The rest, the finding of a suitable partner is the harder part.


Was Once said...

With this attitude your relationships, although never really easy are much more realistic.

If you want love and respect... give love and a lot of respect. Never put a demand on a partner that you could not live up to.

BB said...

Thank you:)

now lets hope I can be true to myself... and the boyfriend:)

aurix said...

love the fashion catalogue analogy.

for me part of it is also i'm not sure what i want. there are days when i feel lonely and really would love a companion, but other days or when things are starting to develop, i second-guess myself: do i really want this? how is this gonna go, etc. then again i think it's just my own defense mechanism.

BB said...

Thank you aurix. now lets hope i dont suddenly have the money to buy expensive fashion:)

If you do not feel sure about it with someone, I dont think you should enter something serious. for me, I always had a distinct feeling with the guys who became my boyfriends. but that's me...maybe other people work differently:)