Saturday, April 18, 2009

Being in a Relationship in Bangkok - Part 2

In October, he did come and we got along well instantly. Before long, we got closer. He hung out with some gay Thai friends he made online and it made me jealous. Often, he came to my place. We listened to music and started hugging each other. It all became quite romantic.

It became obvious we had to make a choice. I wasnt sure. I always thought, a relationship in Bangkok is impossible. Too big the temptation, too easy the flirts and the sex.

Stormy times in Bangkok?

He became impatient and said: "well, maybe we are not made for each other..." and started to pack his belongings. It was in this moment, when I instantly knew what I had to decide. I could not let the person who in 3 years grew so close to me walk away. I had to take the chance. It was a knee-jerk decision, feelings guiding the head.

After having been in a relationship for 6 months now, I dont think it's hard to stay faithful. Of course we all have our moments, we look around and there's plenty to see. But why should I have some good sex (and who says it's going to be good?) for giving up the boyfriend?



People say: He will not know. Of course I could do it and hide it. But that doesnt make sense at all. Why cheating the boyfriend and then also lying to him? I am actually wondering why I thought it's going to be hard to stay faithful...

So, after all it seems that being in a relationship is a choice, and demands a lot of attention, compromise and sacrifice. If you are lucky, your boyfriend will think the same - and I am lucky. If you are unlucky, dump him.
Finding the “right one” is not easy. We all know, there is not just that one person out there waiting to be found. In the movie “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” (I can warmly recommend it), there is scene where relationships are explained.

It's not like in Hedwig and the Angry Inch...

It says: At birth, we were all born stuck to another person. Some of the couples were men and women, some men and men, others women and women. At birth, the couples get separated and our purpose of life is to find our “match” again. That’s a beautiful metaphor , but silly.

My advice is simple. If you find someone you like, slowly build up something up and if you like each other a lot, try to go further. Do risk it because if you don’t, you will always ask yourself what would have happened...

8 comments:

Was Once said...

If anything in a relationship, you learn a lot about yourself. If you can forgive you also have a head start.
Best of luck!

Joey said...

Hi BB:), I'm in Bangkok now... no sign of protestors and things look fine here... but its kinda quiet though, even in Silom area. The weather has at it hottest and I'm sweating like a pig:) I like cool weather, hehe. Hows thing in Laos?

Anonymous said...

Tips from Aunty Ian. A lot of more inexperienced guys mistake lust for love. Just because you have the greatest sex, doesn't mean he is Mr Right. Ask yourself 'how do we maintain the relationship out of bed?' After all, out of bed is where you spend most of the day. Focus on becoming friends first, sharing common interests and goals, learn about him, his culture and his people, show that you care, but give each other enough space to breath.
Communication is vital as is listening to what he says. Try not to be selfish and insensitive. Take it slowly. Good sex is the icing on the cake. But without solid foundations of mutual trust and respect, the cake will crumble. In the end, it's not about me, me, me but about us.

BB said...

was once: very very true.

joey: laos is also hot of course...and dont just stay in silom joey otherwise you seriously disappoint me!!!!

ian: you must have misunderstood me. I think that sex is not really that important actually in a relationship...well it can be but many other factors are more important.

Joey said...

Well, I'm staying near Chong Nonsi BTS, a place called Heritage Hotel. Nice chic boutique hotel. 7-11 just around the corner. However, night comes, it lacks the life of Silom centre and no hawker food in sight. I love Thai food:) tasty, yet it doesnt make u crave for H2O afterwards.
I'm staying with my friend of course:) He has got a bad toothache and got it removed last Friday ( is there any good toothache?...hehe)
I still wanna complain about the hot hot weather, everytime I go out, I would be drenched with sweats. It doesnt help when my friend doesnt like the sun either, makes his skin complexion dark:P
Yesterday I watched a movie with him, its called A Frozen Flowers (don't ask me why the s in singular sense) It's a Korean movie and it's a touching movie. U shld watch it when u get back from Laos. It should still be showing in the cinema. Watched it at Paragon. It's a gay-themed movie btw.
And yes, I did go about, I went to Phrom Phong, Petchaburi, Latprao. I love Suan Lum Bazaar, and this weekend I'll go to JJ Market. I dont really fancy JJ coz it's ultra hot when u move about in the market. Millions of Thai teens and tourists haggling prices... but I'm sure my friend will drag me to go there.
Btw, I like your outlook on relationship. It should be that way actually, not only in gay relationships, even in str8 ones. Initially, I find it kinda hard to maintain monogamous traffic, but over the years I find myself mature and realize that when ure in a relationship, there are certain things u shld put at the utmost importance, which is MONOGAMY.
thats all for now...:)

BB said...

hey joey. i think i know this hotel but never stayed there of course. good to see you are getting around. i am now back in thailand but not yet in bangkok.

and im happy to see you are getting around town a bit. btw why do you call your ...ahem companion "friend"? am I misunderstanding something?

Joey said...

Hi BB, Im just being politically correct. I will tell u everything soon, as I need someone to confide in anyways. And since ure afterall THE BB... who better person right? I just wished there is better way for us to communicate rather than this commentversation:) where r u btw?
Hotel is ok but I wont really recommend it, just because of the site. And meanwhile, friend is still sick from the tooth extraction.

BB said...

would "boyfriend" be politically incorrect? why?:) if he is your boyfriend after all?:)

well...you need to give me your email if you wish for another way of contact...

i am back in bangkok - and it's a bit too hot even for me...