Friday, July 24, 2009

Round deux - part deux

My blog has recently been as interesting as a Mongolian steppe...or a New Zealand country-town I suppose...far, far away from the bustling metropolis of Bangkok. There, nearly everyday something would happen, or something would give me an impetus to write about a topic...

Our environment truly shapes us!

Now that doesnt mean my life is boring, all you bad shrinks out there. I am simply in the last week before thesis submission, and working roughly 13 hours a day...that only leaves time for eating, sleeping and watching movies....ahemm...the documentary sort of course;)

After 13-hour writing marathons, discussing literature, concepts and academic fields, my writing brain cells are dead for the day...

that's why, I have to rely on my dear friends to inspire me...thank you kawadjan:)

he wrote a post about second chances in relationships, and obviously, I felt immediately inspired...

well, me and my bf, we are second time offenders too...

I used to think that second chances are an illusion and deemed to failure. After all, we are still the same, people, prone to the same mistakes and behaviour.

My thought was that two people always fall into a dynamic, not just relationships, but also friends...if then, both parts are still essentially the same person, I thought that you are always going to fall into a routine: the same conversations, the same arguments, the same sex, the same things you do when you meet up.

The problem is, at some point we are so accustomed to our partners that we somehow also dont want to live without them, are happy that he is there (I dont mean waiting at home with a plate of spaghetti....more metaphysical...)

And behold, it may be even more than that...it may even be love... perhaps in some couples, the people really love each other, but are just somehow unable to have a relationship...

I actually think that probably quite a few couples will end up in a loop-situation...break-up, enjoy the freedom, missing the ex, getting together, getting tired of each other, break-up, etc...

In my case, I left my bf because I felt too held back. I had dreams and energy and I felt that we were living in a boring relationship and didnt give each other anything anymore...

After a few weeks, I started to miss him...I watched his pictures on facebook and thought that he looks way more attractive than I always thought. I even changed my network on facebook when he changed his, only so that I could see the pictures again...

Then, after one month in Thailand, I wrote him an email. It was Songkran 2008 when he wrote back, and immediately called me.

The rest of the story is here and here for you to read:)

We ended up together again and it was a gut-decision. A few months ago, when I was thinking about my professional future, I felt like I was held back again, we were nearly headed for the eternal loop...but something clicked in my mind that night, when I seriously thought about just walking out.

I think it was the realisation that nothing would come from nothing. My boyfriend is extremely loving and devoted to me. But this is not eternal, and I realised that I had to give him more devotion too...

That sounds like a pretty simple step, doesnt it? But it really isnt - at least for me. My bf is a very sensitive person, sometimes worrying a lot, probably due to the way he grew up. (and now I dont want you to come and overanalyse please...I dont even know him well enough for that...)

I suddenly realised that I actually have to stop my activities sometime when he is not feeling well, and not see him as an inconvenience when something silly happened. Even a much smaller gesture like listening to him for a few minutes on the phone when something went wrong is absolutely crucial...

And again, it sounds so simple and easy, but it's really not! Especially when you are like me, and have an impulsive character...even a small argument with shouting can help...

In China, we shouted at each other for the first time since we know each other (in 4 years that is) and it worked wonder. All the bad, sticky air was gone, and our minds felt fresh.

I am just thinking about these scenes in American TV series or documentaries when couples go to the, here we go...shrink....to get their relationship back on track. They are always told to write down or tell each other what they hate about each other....we did that in the centre of Guangzhou:)

But, the journey is not finished yet. In the olden times, were we a straight couple of our age (he's 24 and I am 26 by the way) we would have been married and had two children already. That's another topic though...

As gays students however, we are flexible, can move and dont have much that binds us, except our mutual love...the next test will come soon enough, we will have to try to find jobs, and hope that they are within reasonable distance.

The way things look, I'd be happy if we'd live within a 3-hour bus-ride...but lets see...even if we may face difficult challenges, the way we have grown as persons and as a couple will have prepared us much better to face them...wish us luck:)

Oh, and by the way, say hi to him....he's reading the blog too now...:)

4 comments:

kawadjan said...

Now this is sweet, BoB. Your BF would be pleased to read this, for sure. Right, Hye?

BB said...

hye is now recording a song in the studio with his burmese classmate - a really nice one by the way!!! I might post it if I am allowed to...

samart said...

Great post. It's a pleasure to follow your trains of thought. Still I hope BB will return to his natural habitat eventually :)

And hi to Hye! Would love to listen to that song!

BB said...

thank you:) he will return. in 2 weeks he will be back!

he mixes the song, his burmese friend sings....I hope I can post it...:)