As promised, there shall still be gay bangkok stories...it's just impossible to escape them....
today, I had to interview undergrad students at my university for a survey, which is part of my studies. our group had to go to the political science faculty. Now I dont know about all faculties but I was pretty sure that I would find a healthy percentage of gay men there. And I was not to be disappointed.
There were not all that many men around since political science is a major within the arts and humanities...somehow these disciplines draw more women than men since women are more "creative", "social" and so on....Anyway, to cut it short, this place was gay central at the university (if there is such a thing). I loved it.
Of course the farang student attracted attention. A girl was very very open about liking me: "I like your shirt - please dont forget your bag." was her line...wonderful. Otherwise there was just a lot of ogling, smiling and bitching going on.
Then, it was my turn to interview mister pretty. He's a seriously pretty boy, very very suave but still with an accessible manner. There were a few shy looks during these 15 minutes as well as a short check whether my eyes following him when he left the building. They did. In the middle of the interview he also touched my hand...not romantically but still rather soft and gentle. even if it was just for a split second, I was pleasantly surprised. I then later found out that my classmate is his elder at university and that I actually know a classmate of his thanks to a previous encounter....I think I know about half of Bangkok now.
Im now chatting with my acquaintance that could know him, lets see where this is leading...not very far I can tell you that....but it's a fun story anyway
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
dating thais - a wrap up
The same topic is coming up time and again. We (a lot of us reading this blog) live in Bangkok and we would like to date Thais since they are gorgeous and since there are also many Thais here. It is easy to meet them, it's easy to sleep with them and it's also easy to have a good time. But wait, some of us would like to try to start something a bit more serious - and that's where the problems start.
In my last post, I talked about the failed try to date Rachada boy. I knew it was never going to work and my blog entry was just there to astonish you how silly the local gays are. The fact that I got quite a response, also from the blogging guru of all blogging gurus of pink bangkok, bkkdreamer. I quote his comment: "While I was looking, all I found was misery. They are either possessive-obsessive, or oddly detached and couldn't give a damn."
Thank you, bkkdreamer. That sums up my feeling of 7 months in the city of angels trying to meet someone special.
During my time in Bangkok, I have had dozens of dates. I liked some and tried a bit harder. I met rich hi-so Bangkokians in Audi TT's, handsome men who have studied abroad and speak perfect English. I have also met average Thais who have never met a farang on such a level before. Finally, I also met someone on the street, poor and from the countryside.
Thais give us headaches
What did I find ultimately? Read the quote: misery. The passivity (which is often feigned) drives me nuts. Why does the farang have to do the work and why do the Thai gays always like to be fabulously passive, verging on the "couldnt give a damn" that bkkdreamer said above. However, when you tell them about someone else, e.g. competition, they suddenly become vicious and jealous. Some of them actually dont even reach that stage because they are bored of not being desired and wouldnt do anything to mitigate that.
I must say, I have committed sins too. I just let people fall sometime after we had sex. The curiosity is gone and the interest too. But I wouldnt play games.
This is by the way not just a gay bangkokbitch problem. This is a universal problem here in this country. People are often strikingly careless, only to fall into a giant pit of sorrow and self-pity and seeking "the culprit's" sympathy. However, if someone else comes along, they will happily move along as soon as possible. The other thing can happen too. We may not be interesting to them anymore for a few days only to get a sudden call or a message because the person felt bored. I have heard from straight, gay and lesbian friends (Thai and foreigner) complaining about the behaviour of these people here in Bangkok.
I am not angry or desperate or even despairing. I am just disappointed. Well, now I am dating seriously - finally. Not a Thai. A Korean, my ex-boyfriend, and it's getting rather serious...
In my last post, I talked about the failed try to date Rachada boy. I knew it was never going to work and my blog entry was just there to astonish you how silly the local gays are. The fact that I got quite a response, also from the blogging guru of all blogging gurus of pink bangkok, bkkdreamer. I quote his comment: "While I was looking, all I found was misery. They are either possessive-obsessive, or oddly detached and couldn't give a damn."
Thank you, bkkdreamer. That sums up my feeling of 7 months in the city of angels trying to meet someone special.
During my time in Bangkok, I have had dozens of dates. I liked some and tried a bit harder. I met rich hi-so Bangkokians in Audi TT's, handsome men who have studied abroad and speak perfect English. I have also met average Thais who have never met a farang on such a level before. Finally, I also met someone on the street, poor and from the countryside.
Thais give us headaches
What did I find ultimately? Read the quote: misery. The passivity (which is often feigned) drives me nuts. Why does the farang have to do the work and why do the Thai gays always like to be fabulously passive, verging on the "couldnt give a damn" that bkkdreamer said above. However, when you tell them about someone else, e.g. competition, they suddenly become vicious and jealous. Some of them actually dont even reach that stage because they are bored of not being desired and wouldnt do anything to mitigate that.
I must say, I have committed sins too. I just let people fall sometime after we had sex. The curiosity is gone and the interest too. But I wouldnt play games.
This is by the way not just a gay bangkokbitch problem. This is a universal problem here in this country. People are often strikingly careless, only to fall into a giant pit of sorrow and self-pity and seeking "the culprit's" sympathy. However, if someone else comes along, they will happily move along as soon as possible. The other thing can happen too. We may not be interesting to them anymore for a few days only to get a sudden call or a message because the person felt bored. I have heard from straight, gay and lesbian friends (Thai and foreigner) complaining about the behaviour of these people here in Bangkok.
I am not angry or desperate or even despairing. I am just disappointed. Well, now I am dating seriously - finally. Not a Thai. A Korean, my ex-boyfriend, and it's getting rather serious...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
relationship “à-la Thaï”
Ok, I have talked about Rachada boy before. We met once at a mall in his area. Then, he was rather enthusiastic, we exchanged pictures on our mobile phone like good teenies do. The day after, he called me: “hey I am waiting at the skytrain station for you.” I was just having dinner with my friends and took it slowly and said: “ok, I will be there in about an hours”. he was waiting at the skytrain like a good boy and had a biiiiig smile on his face when I arrived. We then proceeded to my place – and – no, we didn’t have sex. We just talked and enjoyed each other’s company and exchanged smiles. Then he asked if he can sleep here Friday and Saturday. I said, Saturday is ok. Saturday came and we met at his workplace, Siriraj Hospital. We then made our way to my place and arrived there, he wanted to go swimming. We swam for like an hour and then we got hungry. We went to 7Eleven and got some food to eat. We ate and then he got tired so he went to bed and slept. Then I went to bed too later but he was hardly visible. I mean, I have a big bed but he was that far away from me I had to use the binoculars. I hugged him and he took my hand so I hugged him more. I woke up in the morning and of course he had a hard-on...I tried to help him get rid of it but he didn’t want that. He didn’t really do anything against it but wasn’t endorsing it either. I then just hugged him, which he enjoyed. He didn’t hug back very often though. I asked: “why don’t you hug me?” He: “No feeling”.
Ok, I see. No feeling. That’s why on Thursday he asked me to be his boyfriend (which I didn’t believe though). He then left and just before, we had the following conversation.
ME: hey
Rachada Boy: hi xxx
ME: how are you
Rachada Boy: fine, and you?
ME: Im ok thanks. Ok, I think you don’t care about me anymore...that’s ok.
Rachada Boy: ok.
Me: ....ok...bye...wish you good luck for the future.
It’s sad and hilarious at the same time. There he was wanting to be my boyfriend a few days ago and then he just walks off like this. I must say, this is not the first time it happened here in Thailand. And I just want to tell you all. This is not a moneyboy or some kind of poor weird dumb guy. He went to one of the best universities of the country, his family is rich, he has travelled overseas a few times and wears original Diesel jeans and a belt – AND he is not a child – he is 25 years old. Im speechless. But I cant care anymore about this s**t.
Ok, I see. No feeling. That’s why on Thursday he asked me to be his boyfriend (which I didn’t believe though). He then left and just before, we had the following conversation.
ME: hey
Rachada Boy: hi xxx
ME: how are you
Rachada Boy: fine, and you?
ME: Im ok thanks. Ok, I think you don’t care about me anymore...that’s ok.
Rachada Boy: ok.
Me: ....ok...bye...wish you good luck for the future.
Rachada boy walking out of my life.
It’s sad and hilarious at the same time. There he was wanting to be my boyfriend a few days ago and then he just walks off like this. I must say, this is not the first time it happened here in Thailand. And I just want to tell you all. This is not a moneyboy or some kind of poor weird dumb guy. He went to one of the best universities of the country, his family is rich, he has travelled overseas a few times and wears original Diesel jeans and a belt – AND he is not a child – he is 25 years old. Im speechless. But I cant care anymore about this s**t.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Just how Thai should I become?
I have always been a person that tries to adapt as quickly as possible yet distancing himself from others. I have lived in several countries so I dont really have one home anymore. Thais like to ask how things are in "your home country" and I always need to ask them, which one? In fact I dont even know because I havent lived in some of them for a long time.
Back to the topic.
Normally, I would observe people throughly and just do the same because that is how people do it in my new place. That involves many many things.
Communication is absolutely crucial to blending in and adapting to a new place. If you want to become "one of them" you just have to try to speak like the people in your new place. That is not very easy in Thailand. If we move from - say - Montréal to Paris - it's still "the same language". If we move from Cardiff to Melbourne, it is also roughly the same language. Even if we move from Copenhagen to Auckland, it's still rather similar. But from xxx to Bangkok, it isnt. Thai is not easy to learn. But hey, I was mistaken as a half-Thai the other day by a taxi driver and complimented 4 times on my Thai at Chatuchak Weekend Market today. So we can all make an effort and blend in a little bit on communication at least, no matter how hard it is.
Customs are small things, gestures, ways of behaving...such as how to eat, where to eat, when to eat, how to greet, how to interact in general...I have noticed that in Thailand I have become more feminine. My voice and gestures have become softer as well. I eat whenever I want to and have lost some weight due the diet. I never put the bag on the ground anymore but on my lap or on a chair next to me. One thing I dont do very often is to wai people. (wai-ing is the thai way of greeting each other with the folded hands) I think foreigners really overdue it normally, wai-ing every single person at the supermarket or cinema or restaurant. That is ridiculous. Thais only wai in a rather formal context. (that can include family members). One more thing that I noticed about myself is the way I conduct appointments and the way I make decisions. I have changed somewhat from a very organised to a very unorganised and most scarily to an INDECISIVE person. This is very Thai. Before, I used to make schedules days in advance. Now, for example last Friday I booked 5 people for an evening....sorta. Ended up with.....oh I cant even remember. Ah yeah, it was horrible. A guy that I met before and I actually liked him. This time we had dinner around here and then went to my place. That's when he started drinking from my minibar and boasted THREE times about how big and hard his cock is, only to announce that he had get up and leave. What an asshole. Makes everything about himself.
My mental state after one of these gorgeous Thais left my room.
Dating. But this now swiftly and conveniently onto dating. Lately I have tried to date with "real" Thais. That means, guys who havent slept with 10 Australian backpackers, 10 English businessmen and 10 German tourists but rather someone who might have never met a foreigner before for a date. This has ups and downs and I am not sure how to confront this topic just now. Dating these "exclusive" Thais like the Lumpini boy before and now the Rachada boy is immensely frustrating. They dont speak a lot of English (and I dont speak a lot of Thai) and they are not used to farang being around them. We have had dozens of misunderstandings and I am always very puzzled as to what's going on...why do they do this? why dont they do this? The upside is: they look gorgeous and much better than the ones that get chosen by foreingers normally. But, they know it and they want to be adored, touched and so on...and dont give very much back in turn.
that's a huge contrast with some of these guys that always lurk around foreigners...and know for example that in belgium people speak two languages.
So what should I do? Gorgeous Thai or not so gorgeous but very used to farang....I am tired for now there wont be much of both...
Back to the topic.
Normally, I would observe people throughly and just do the same because that is how people do it in my new place. That involves many many things.
Communication is absolutely crucial to blending in and adapting to a new place. If you want to become "one of them" you just have to try to speak like the people in your new place. That is not very easy in Thailand. If we move from - say - Montréal to Paris - it's still "the same language". If we move from Cardiff to Melbourne, it is also roughly the same language. Even if we move from Copenhagen to Auckland, it's still rather similar. But from xxx to Bangkok, it isnt. Thai is not easy to learn. But hey, I was mistaken as a half-Thai the other day by a taxi driver and complimented 4 times on my Thai at Chatuchak Weekend Market today. So we can all make an effort and blend in a little bit on communication at least, no matter how hard it is.
Customs are small things, gestures, ways of behaving...such as how to eat, where to eat, when to eat, how to greet, how to interact in general...I have noticed that in Thailand I have become more feminine. My voice and gestures have become softer as well. I eat whenever I want to and have lost some weight due the diet. I never put the bag on the ground anymore but on my lap or on a chair next to me. One thing I dont do very often is to wai people. (wai-ing is the thai way of greeting each other with the folded hands) I think foreigners really overdue it normally, wai-ing every single person at the supermarket or cinema or restaurant. That is ridiculous. Thais only wai in a rather formal context. (that can include family members). One more thing that I noticed about myself is the way I conduct appointments and the way I make decisions. I have changed somewhat from a very organised to a very unorganised and most scarily to an INDECISIVE person. This is very Thai. Before, I used to make schedules days in advance. Now, for example last Friday I booked 5 people for an evening....sorta. Ended up with.....oh I cant even remember. Ah yeah, it was horrible. A guy that I met before and I actually liked him. This time we had dinner around here and then went to my place. That's when he started drinking from my minibar and boasted THREE times about how big and hard his cock is, only to announce that he had get up and leave. What an asshole. Makes everything about himself.
My mental state after one of these gorgeous Thais left my room.
Dating. But this now swiftly and conveniently onto dating. Lately I have tried to date with "real" Thais. That means, guys who havent slept with 10 Australian backpackers, 10 English businessmen and 10 German tourists but rather someone who might have never met a foreigner before for a date. This has ups and downs and I am not sure how to confront this topic just now. Dating these "exclusive" Thais like the Lumpini boy before and now the Rachada boy is immensely frustrating. They dont speak a lot of English (and I dont speak a lot of Thai) and they are not used to farang being around them. We have had dozens of misunderstandings and I am always very puzzled as to what's going on...why do they do this? why dont they do this? The upside is: they look gorgeous and much better than the ones that get chosen by foreingers normally. But, they know it and they want to be adored, touched and so on...and dont give very much back in turn.
that's a huge contrast with some of these guys that always lurk around foreigners...and know for example that in belgium people speak two languages.
So what should I do? Gorgeous Thai or not so gorgeous but very used to farang....I am tired for now there wont be much of both...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
clichés of gay bangkok - 1
I have now been here in Bangkok for about 6 months and have met many, many, (too) many people (mostly gay men). Some of them have gone on to be really close friends (not that many), some are friends (some), others will remain acquaintances (many) and some I will never see again (most).
There are some patterns and experiences that I would like to share with you as something like a first resumé of the gay aspect of my stay here in Bangkok.
"gay paradise"
wooow, you live in bangkok, it is a gay paradise isnt it? If I talk to about 10 gays from all over Asia, Europe or wherever, about 9.999 of them would say this sentence. yes, bangkok - or thailand in general - has the wonderful reputation of one if not THE gay paradise of the world. surely, these reviews focus on the general acceptance of gays (of all colour, age and shape), the rather vivid night-life, the availability of sex and possibly the general culture of thailand where beauty and the exterior are highly valued, somewhat corresponding to gay values.
let me assure you, for me personally and for many others, it is NOT a paradise. surely, we dont get shot or hanged for being gay and there are gays literally around every single corner of this city. but let me assure you, if you are into anything a bit longer-lasting than a quick fuck, you will struggle in this place. Now I dont know about other big gay cities in the world such as San Francisco, Sydney, London or Amsterdam but I find it damn hard to find people that are a) serious, b) smart, c) reliable d) attractive and e) funny. And please dont tell me there are no cultural barriers and it's all just because of the language. the language IS an important factor and it is easier to talk to someone who has a decent command of english. (but I dont really blame them if they dont, I might as well blame myself for not speaking Thai just so well yet) I met plenty of hot guys, plenty of funny guys, plenty of smart people, but a combination of these virtues are rare! And if he DOES have all these virtues, then he will 100% not be interested in me.
"why dont you have a boyfriend?"
Everytime I start talking to someone they will ask: "do you have a boyfriend"? And everytime I will answer: No I dont. But by then, the person talking to me would be shocked and in disbelief and asking: "why (dont you have a boyfriend)?" I normally reply: "why should I?" The notion of "boyfriend" has really been destroyed in gay Bangkok. I have not met one couple that is steady and where both parts do not cheat. On the contrary, I have slept with quite a few guys that would later tell me (or not) that they already have a boyfriend. If it is their conception of having a boyfriend to just fuck one guy a bit more than the others, then I'd rather be single. for me, boyfriend is a serious word and concept. Then, there is this somewhat odd creation of a culture of"gig". A "gig" describes basically everything between friends and relationship. As a rule of thumb, Thais dont sleep with their friends. that is no problem however, you will just be elevated onto gig-status and then you are allowed...all in all there is a striking ease with which people can change their status with others.
But when people ask me: "do you have a boyfriend?" I havent found out if they actually mean having a boyfriend - or just a gig.
"...ok lets just be friends"
In bangkok, the second question (after: "do you have a boyfriend"?) will be: "are you top or bottom?". This is very very important here. In general, most gays here play only one of the two roles. Either they are a bit effeminate and are the bottom or they are quite masculine and play the top. There is a considerable minority of guys who can do both and who are most of the time a bit of mixed character too. Now for thais, having sex means having anal penetration in 90% of the time. Some guys would ask me where I keep the condoms after not even 5 minutes of foreplay. Since I am more of a bottom, and I often talk to bottoms too because I find them more attractive, I get this answer 90% of the time if we are both bottoms and it becomes revealed: "ok, we can be friends". and immediately after that: "can you introduce me to someone?". Basically, two bottoms or tops doesnt work in the thai gay mind and you instantly fall from grace and even get asked if you can provide them with someone more fitting. I think that's both tasteless and silly. two bottoms and tops can also have great fun and no one deserves to be dropped like a hot potato for releasing their sexual position or role.
"fridae vs gayromeo type"
This is an idea that I only just had today due to recent experiences. In online-dating, where I met most of my acquaintances, people can roughly be divided into the "gayromeo" and the "fridae" crowd.
"gayromeo" gays are more likely to be from the countryside, are likely to speak quite a bit of english, have a lower level of income and are quite used to dealing with farang. this is the bunch of gays that actively target foreigners, either because they just like them or often also because they think that the farang can be a source of money.
The "fridae" type of guy has higher education, is a bit older, is mostly thai-chinese, often doesnt speak english, is mostly interested in meeting other Asians and is often not used to contact with farang at all.
Most people I met from gayromeo since it's easier and since I didnt take fridae seriously until a few months ago. Gayromeo guys are used to contact with foreigners. they would know the countries and ask rather specific stuff. Mostly they are quite easy and basically want to have sex. A hug will do the job to break the ice and in no time your underwear will be off. sadly, the ratio of guys that want to get money out of me as opposed to actually be attracted to me, is sadly rather high on gayromeo. I find them rather easy to recognise however. They always want to meet right now, have that "moneyboy" look and have many clicks as well as guestbook messages by gentlemen of older age.
Fridae guys are much much more to my taste. I prefer the urban thai-chinese look and often these guys are really smart and have good careers and amazing looks. I have only talked to one moneyboy on that site (I think at least). However, as a foreigner it's not easy there. farang have a bad reputation among Thai gays it seems (and perhaps rightly so) as sex-crazed butterflies, hopping to inseminate whatever partner we can find. On fridae, many guys have never talked to a farang and are very shy to do so....with these guys, even though they have a similar social and educational background and they are less "exotic" the misunderstandings can paradoxically be much bigger - mainly because I am often the first foreigner that they meet. Some of them freak out, others though want to become my boyfriend after meeting one time (and I am not talking about moneyboys) ....
There are some patterns and experiences that I would like to share with you as something like a first resumé of the gay aspect of my stay here in Bangkok.
"gay paradise"
wooow, you live in bangkok, it is a gay paradise isnt it? If I talk to about 10 gays from all over Asia, Europe or wherever, about 9.999 of them would say this sentence. yes, bangkok - or thailand in general - has the wonderful reputation of one if not THE gay paradise of the world. surely, these reviews focus on the general acceptance of gays (of all colour, age and shape), the rather vivid night-life, the availability of sex and possibly the general culture of thailand where beauty and the exterior are highly valued, somewhat corresponding to gay values.
let me assure you, for me personally and for many others, it is NOT a paradise. surely, we dont get shot or hanged for being gay and there are gays literally around every single corner of this city. but let me assure you, if you are into anything a bit longer-lasting than a quick fuck, you will struggle in this place. Now I dont know about other big gay cities in the world such as San Francisco, Sydney, London or Amsterdam but I find it damn hard to find people that are a) serious, b) smart, c) reliable d) attractive and e) funny. And please dont tell me there are no cultural barriers and it's all just because of the language. the language IS an important factor and it is easier to talk to someone who has a decent command of english. (but I dont really blame them if they dont, I might as well blame myself for not speaking Thai just so well yet) I met plenty of hot guys, plenty of funny guys, plenty of smart people, but a combination of these virtues are rare! And if he DOES have all these virtues, then he will 100% not be interested in me.
"why dont you have a boyfriend?"
Everytime I start talking to someone they will ask: "do you have a boyfriend"? And everytime I will answer: No I dont. But by then, the person talking to me would be shocked and in disbelief and asking: "why (dont you have a boyfriend)?" I normally reply: "why should I?" The notion of "boyfriend" has really been destroyed in gay Bangkok. I have not met one couple that is steady and where both parts do not cheat. On the contrary, I have slept with quite a few guys that would later tell me (or not) that they already have a boyfriend. If it is their conception of having a boyfriend to just fuck one guy a bit more than the others, then I'd rather be single. for me, boyfriend is a serious word and concept. Then, there is this somewhat odd creation of a culture of"gig". A "gig" describes basically everything between friends and relationship. As a rule of thumb, Thais dont sleep with their friends. that is no problem however, you will just be elevated onto gig-status and then you are allowed...all in all there is a striking ease with which people can change their status with others.
But when people ask me: "do you have a boyfriend?" I havent found out if they actually mean having a boyfriend - or just a gig.
"...ok lets just be friends"
In bangkok, the second question (after: "do you have a boyfriend"?) will be: "are you top or bottom?". This is very very important here. In general, most gays here play only one of the two roles. Either they are a bit effeminate and are the bottom or they are quite masculine and play the top. There is a considerable minority of guys who can do both and who are most of the time a bit of mixed character too. Now for thais, having sex means having anal penetration in 90% of the time. Some guys would ask me where I keep the condoms after not even 5 minutes of foreplay. Since I am more of a bottom, and I often talk to bottoms too because I find them more attractive, I get this answer 90% of the time if we are both bottoms and it becomes revealed: "ok, we can be friends". and immediately after that: "can you introduce me to someone?". Basically, two bottoms or tops doesnt work in the thai gay mind and you instantly fall from grace and even get asked if you can provide them with someone more fitting. I think that's both tasteless and silly. two bottoms and tops can also have great fun and no one deserves to be dropped like a hot potato for releasing their sexual position or role.
"fridae vs gayromeo type"
This is an idea that I only just had today due to recent experiences. In online-dating, where I met most of my acquaintances, people can roughly be divided into the "gayromeo" and the "fridae" crowd.
"gayromeo" gays are more likely to be from the countryside, are likely to speak quite a bit of english, have a lower level of income and are quite used to dealing with farang. this is the bunch of gays that actively target foreigners, either because they just like them or often also because they think that the farang can be a source of money.
The "fridae" type of guy has higher education, is a bit older, is mostly thai-chinese, often doesnt speak english, is mostly interested in meeting other Asians and is often not used to contact with farang at all.
Most people I met from gayromeo since it's easier and since I didnt take fridae seriously until a few months ago. Gayromeo guys are used to contact with foreigners. they would know the countries and ask rather specific stuff. Mostly they are quite easy and basically want to have sex. A hug will do the job to break the ice and in no time your underwear will be off. sadly, the ratio of guys that want to get money out of me as opposed to actually be attracted to me, is sadly rather high on gayromeo. I find them rather easy to recognise however. They always want to meet right now, have that "moneyboy" look and have many clicks as well as guestbook messages by gentlemen of older age.
Fridae guys are much much more to my taste. I prefer the urban thai-chinese look and often these guys are really smart and have good careers and amazing looks. I have only talked to one moneyboy on that site (I think at least). However, as a foreigner it's not easy there. farang have a bad reputation among Thai gays it seems (and perhaps rightly so) as sex-crazed butterflies, hopping to inseminate whatever partner we can find. On fridae, many guys have never talked to a farang and are very shy to do so....with these guys, even though they have a similar social and educational background and they are less "exotic" the misunderstandings can paradoxically be much bigger - mainly because I am often the first foreigner that they meet. Some of them freak out, others though want to become my boyfriend after meeting one time (and I am not talking about moneyboys) ....
Monday, October 13, 2008
working my way down the "people-to-meet-list"
back in bangkok for a week and it's been busybusybusy and very hot. I thought winter is around the corner but it's been quite burning and really humid at times.
I have taken a long time to write anything here on the blog because after the story with the chinese secret service boy in farangland I couldnt find anything as substantial and interesting to write about. But then again I cant fall for someone different every single week so you I will offer you an update of the situation. It's not like I have been quiet sitting at home waiting for my prince to appear. For some reason, I have had DATE GALORE since I have been back.
How did that happen? Well.....when I was in farangland I had all these people writing me and I always had to say: "yes I live in bangkok but I am away at the moment". "So when will you be back?" "October 8." Well, for these guys October 8 must have been some kind of day of the appearance of the Holy Maria....because when I came back, I had clocked up such a large "people-to-meet-list" that I had to get moving quickly.
The famed "people-to-meet-list".
There was the Indonesian martial arts boy that I met in Singapore. (he is actually a friend of mine not just some guy). We met only for about 3 hours or so. I arrived late in the evening and he had to get up early (like at 5am) for something immigration-related. We had a good time but he was very nervous and shy. Nevertheless, when I had a shower he was suddenly standing behind me, so there goes the theory about shyness. The rest of the evening will remain uncommented.
Then, the japanese tourist number 2. Remember number 1? He introduced me to yoka boy (who by the way seems to be busy or something...I prefer SMS and he doesnt call me so we stay silent). Number 2 was fun. I went to have gorgeous dinner at CentralWorld Mall with him, where some hi-so Thais celebrated a birthday with Thai karaoke - WONDERFUL, I just LOVE Thai music. Then we went to this mind-bogglingly colourful and crazy Hindu festival in Silom, which was a procession for Ganesh. There were manymanymany gays and kathoeys (ladyboys) watching and I was wondering why...then I found out that Ganesh is the Hindu god for overcoming obstacles and creativity... so we gays must love him - logical isnt it. Then there were some men in trance (I suppose they must have been "in contact" with the gods) that were walking around in the procession and they dispersed powder and garlands over the people - some of them even had spears through their cheeks - it was amazing. Then, japanese tourist number 2 got a dirty shirt from the powder so I offered him that he can wash it at my place. That was a mistake because he then stayed overnight and I thought I cant send him home at 2am...great, my heart is just too good.
In the evening I met Lumpini boy. He's the prettiest guy I ever was on a date with. And that made me very very shy. We stayed in the park for a long time and just talked. It was nice. He's smart and very pretty but also quite shy. Then somehow we went to my place and he felt less comfortable. However, he then sat next to me and started kissing me with the softest and most tender lips ever. It was very nice. Afterwards, he sat up and said: I have to leave now. He was probably waiting for me to say: NOOOO. But I was so shy in the light of this beautiful creature. So he left.
The weekend, I just stayed at home - until sunday night, when some 19yo boy asked me to come to his condo. He seemed nice enough and I could trust him immediately that he wouldnt strap me of cash, rape me, throw me from his balcony or anything alike. He owns a big internet-site and makes a lot of money out of that. He has any gadget you can imagine and just crashed his brand-new BMW. He will get a new one though. It was nice enough. This boy (he's not a man yet the way he was playing with his gadgets and mentioning BMW's) is used to dealing with farang, I could tell - and there were more things from my farang home country in his appartment than in mine...that was odd. But he's a nice guy, if a little childish.
Yesterday then finally, I went to Rachada to buy a new badminton racket. I remembered that a guy that I chat to lives around there. Surely, he was just working out in the gym while I was at the same mall. We talked for a long time and even though his english is not very good, he tries to articulate himself and talks non-stop anyway. He's a little clown and a welcome distraction from the general shy Thai crowd. Rachada boy is tall, the same age as me, has a welcoming, cute face and as I said, is really fun to hang out with. That's good news.
In other news, tonight my ex-boyfriend will arrive here in Bangkok to stay for 10 months. I dont even know why I havent written about him in this blog because we actually get along really well. Lets see if this will go "back to the future" eventually or not. Also, my dad will visit soon. In the holiday section, me and my buddy the moralist will soon venture out to the countryside for a weekend trip and a week later, I will be off to the beach with my classmates. Wonderful. Life as bangkokbitch is busy as you can see and I hope I can work down the "people-to-meet-list" a little bit.
I have taken a long time to write anything here on the blog because after the story with the chinese secret service boy in farangland I couldnt find anything as substantial and interesting to write about. But then again I cant fall for someone different every single week so you I will offer you an update of the situation. It's not like I have been quiet sitting at home waiting for my prince to appear. For some reason, I have had DATE GALORE since I have been back.
How did that happen? Well.....when I was in farangland I had all these people writing me and I always had to say: "yes I live in bangkok but I am away at the moment". "So when will you be back?" "October 8." Well, for these guys October 8 must have been some kind of day of the appearance of the Holy Maria....because when I came back, I had clocked up such a large "people-to-meet-list" that I had to get moving quickly.
The famed "people-to-meet-list".
There was the Indonesian martial arts boy that I met in Singapore. (he is actually a friend of mine not just some guy). We met only for about 3 hours or so. I arrived late in the evening and he had to get up early (like at 5am) for something immigration-related. We had a good time but he was very nervous and shy. Nevertheless, when I had a shower he was suddenly standing behind me, so there goes the theory about shyness. The rest of the evening will remain uncommented.
Then, the japanese tourist number 2. Remember number 1? He introduced me to yoka boy (who by the way seems to be busy or something...I prefer SMS and he doesnt call me so we stay silent). Number 2 was fun. I went to have gorgeous dinner at CentralWorld Mall with him, where some hi-so Thais celebrated a birthday with Thai karaoke - WONDERFUL, I just LOVE Thai music. Then we went to this mind-bogglingly colourful and crazy Hindu festival in Silom, which was a procession for Ganesh. There were manymanymany gays and kathoeys (ladyboys) watching and I was wondering why...then I found out that Ganesh is the Hindu god for overcoming obstacles and creativity... so we gays must love him - logical isnt it. Then there were some men in trance (I suppose they must have been "in contact" with the gods) that were walking around in the procession and they dispersed powder and garlands over the people - some of them even had spears through their cheeks - it was amazing. Then, japanese tourist number 2 got a dirty shirt from the powder so I offered him that he can wash it at my place. That was a mistake because he then stayed overnight and I thought I cant send him home at 2am...great, my heart is just too good.
In the evening I met Lumpini boy. He's the prettiest guy I ever was on a date with. And that made me very very shy. We stayed in the park for a long time and just talked. It was nice. He's smart and very pretty but also quite shy. Then somehow we went to my place and he felt less comfortable. However, he then sat next to me and started kissing me with the softest and most tender lips ever. It was very nice. Afterwards, he sat up and said: I have to leave now. He was probably waiting for me to say: NOOOO. But I was so shy in the light of this beautiful creature. So he left.
The weekend, I just stayed at home - until sunday night, when some 19yo boy asked me to come to his condo. He seemed nice enough and I could trust him immediately that he wouldnt strap me of cash, rape me, throw me from his balcony or anything alike. He owns a big internet-site and makes a lot of money out of that. He has any gadget you can imagine and just crashed his brand-new BMW. He will get a new one though. It was nice enough. This boy (he's not a man yet the way he was playing with his gadgets and mentioning BMW's) is used to dealing with farang, I could tell - and there were more things from my farang home country in his appartment than in mine...that was odd. But he's a nice guy, if a little childish.
Yesterday then finally, I went to Rachada to buy a new badminton racket. I remembered that a guy that I chat to lives around there. Surely, he was just working out in the gym while I was at the same mall. We talked for a long time and even though his english is not very good, he tries to articulate himself and talks non-stop anyway. He's a little clown and a welcome distraction from the general shy Thai crowd. Rachada boy is tall, the same age as me, has a welcoming, cute face and as I said, is really fun to hang out with. That's good news.
In other news, tonight my ex-boyfriend will arrive here in Bangkok to stay for 10 months. I dont even know why I havent written about him in this blog because we actually get along really well. Lets see if this will go "back to the future" eventually or not. Also, my dad will visit soon. In the holiday section, me and my buddy the moralist will soon venture out to the countryside for a weekend trip and a week later, I will be off to the beach with my classmates. Wonderful. Life as bangkokbitch is busy as you can see and I hope I can work down the "people-to-meet-list" a little bit.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Chinese Secret Service Boy – Part 5 – the goodbye that never was
I am in the plane back to Asia from farangland. These two weeks have not been what I expected at all and I left behind much more than I would have thought.
But you don’t really want to know about all the assignments that I wrote, the meetings that I had, the weather, the cultural things, the arguments with some friends and the significant group of friends that I actually just omitted and also the fact that I felt surprisingly attached to my old city (well one of them anyway).
BB saying goodbye.
Nope, this trip was surprisingly mostly about one person, mister Jacob. I know, secret service boy sounds so much cooler and I really thought he is one. He has quite a few oddities about himself and keeps quite a few things hidden and tucked away. This man is a cautious, shy and composed and steady person. And that fascinated me. A lot of Thai gays are amazingly beautiful, sexy, charming, flirty, easy to get into bed but they are also unsteady, not very interesting to talk to, impulsive and not to be bound by anyone else. That is just my opinion reflecting my experience, I think most of you will agree though. In that way, Jacob was such a refreshing change. It frustrated me immensely at the beginning that we couldn’t just go to his place, cuddle and sleep with each other – but now, looking back, this was exactly the right way to handle our relationship, whatever it is/was. And for that, I must thank him. I have long not felt such a desire to only be held, touched and smiled at. At the end, the dynamics between us was relationship-like. We went out for dinner, we went on a trip, we shared things, we poured each other tea, we discussed many, many things, we smiled and we sulked (at least me) but all without very much physical touch. These are the dynamics that a relationship consists of, even though it isn’t one. Mister Jacob isn’t a person who expresses his feelings in an overwhelming way – it’s downright cute to see how he tries to keep a straight face sometimes. I, on the other hand am a much more emotional and expressive person. Sometimes I was longing for a sign of affection – and Jacob did gave them to me, even though they were sown sparingly and they were not that obvious.
Leaving farang city, it felt like leaving behind someone very, very close. I am not saying the L- and the R-word. But I sometimes think of them. The whole thing of course was overshadowed by me only being in farang city only temporarily so the “what if-questions” do come up sometimes. The real “test” to how much this Jacob-episode meant will of course follow now. I will follow my heart and see what it says.
Finally, what really happened at the end: We met for dinner- this time at a Korean restaurant that I used to go to rather regularly. We had dinner and talked and talked. Then, we were thinking of going somewhere else but frankly, I just wanted to rest – and he wanted to rest too. So we parted with a big hug and smile. That was the last time I saw him.
We were planned to meet for coffee on the morning of my departure but my phone made a mess of my schedule and at 1am, I realised that my flight departs at 9am, not at 3pm. I called Jacob – no answer. I packed and went to bed and got up again early enough – and called Jacob again – no answer. In the plane, just before departure I got a distressed SMS – he left the phone in the living room and couldn’t hear it – and he was very very upset by this. In an outburst of emotions, he said that he really really wanted to see me for that last time and that he will miss me. That was sweet. I wanted to give him a little card to show my gratitude and affection but it had to be posted from the airport instead.
But you don’t really want to know about all the assignments that I wrote, the meetings that I had, the weather, the cultural things, the arguments with some friends and the significant group of friends that I actually just omitted and also the fact that I felt surprisingly attached to my old city (well one of them anyway).
BB saying goodbye.
Nope, this trip was surprisingly mostly about one person, mister Jacob. I know, secret service boy sounds so much cooler and I really thought he is one. He has quite a few oddities about himself and keeps quite a few things hidden and tucked away. This man is a cautious, shy and composed and steady person. And that fascinated me. A lot of Thai gays are amazingly beautiful, sexy, charming, flirty, easy to get into bed but they are also unsteady, not very interesting to talk to, impulsive and not to be bound by anyone else. That is just my opinion reflecting my experience, I think most of you will agree though. In that way, Jacob was such a refreshing change. It frustrated me immensely at the beginning that we couldn’t just go to his place, cuddle and sleep with each other – but now, looking back, this was exactly the right way to handle our relationship, whatever it is/was. And for that, I must thank him. I have long not felt such a desire to only be held, touched and smiled at. At the end, the dynamics between us was relationship-like. We went out for dinner, we went on a trip, we shared things, we poured each other tea, we discussed many, many things, we smiled and we sulked (at least me) but all without very much physical touch. These are the dynamics that a relationship consists of, even though it isn’t one. Mister Jacob isn’t a person who expresses his feelings in an overwhelming way – it’s downright cute to see how he tries to keep a straight face sometimes. I, on the other hand am a much more emotional and expressive person. Sometimes I was longing for a sign of affection – and Jacob did gave them to me, even though they were sown sparingly and they were not that obvious.
Leaving farang city, it felt like leaving behind someone very, very close. I am not saying the L- and the R-word. But I sometimes think of them. The whole thing of course was overshadowed by me only being in farang city only temporarily so the “what if-questions” do come up sometimes. The real “test” to how much this Jacob-episode meant will of course follow now. I will follow my heart and see what it says.
Finally, what really happened at the end: We met for dinner- this time at a Korean restaurant that I used to go to rather regularly. We had dinner and talked and talked. Then, we were thinking of going somewhere else but frankly, I just wanted to rest – and he wanted to rest too. So we parted with a big hug and smile. That was the last time I saw him.
We were planned to meet for coffee on the morning of my departure but my phone made a mess of my schedule and at 1am, I realised that my flight departs at 9am, not at 3pm. I called Jacob – no answer. I packed and went to bed and got up again early enough – and called Jacob again – no answer. In the plane, just before departure I got a distressed SMS – he left the phone in the living room and couldn’t hear it – and he was very very upset by this. In an outburst of emotions, he said that he really really wanted to see me for that last time and that he will miss me. That was sweet. I wanted to give him a little card to show my gratitude and affection but it had to be posted from the airport instead.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
the chinese secret service boy - part 4
part 4 of the story with chinaboy jacob...in two days however this story will be suspended for a while - if not forever.
BB and jacob thinking about china.
at 2pm, jacob picked me up at my place and - after having to drop off the key at my friend's boyfriends place and after having filled up on petrol and eating some Burger King (that was jacob - not me) we finally got on the way to the hot springs place. it takes a considerable 2 hours to drive there so we had plenty of time to talk, smile, discuss and enjoy. we stopped many times on the way to the hot springs place to take pictures. the landscape is really gorgeous and jacob would pose in front of the camera. however, I really dont like his pictures as he ALWAYS has the same silly smile on his face in pictures. I really thinks he looks much better with a determined and concentrated look, when his eyes are small and crisp and his cheeks smooth and flat. (i am a big big fan of these two features....especially the flat cheeks as opposed to the receding western ones). jacob would check the pictures I took extremely thoroughly and in the process he would just hug me from behind - that was something new and it felt really nice to be honest.
BB and jacob thinking about china.
at the hot springs place, we had a good time. he was not ashamed looked at every part of my body, especially the crotch. He also touched my tummy extensively to feel how much fat there is - daring, daring. Of course I looked at his body too - a skinny man with wonky legs and very few long hairs on his legs - and, a little tummy.....I like little tummys. in a way they are so cute.
On the way home, I was tired - and quiet...Back in the city, we ate some Chinese food and then he dropped me off. Big big and tender hug. And goodnight, mister jacob.
you probably think: "this is it?" I think that too sometimes. But only sometimes. It's a very strange feeling. Honestly, it feels a little like being in a relationship, just without a lot of touching and more. We do everything together it seems, we get very used to each other. Habits are forming and it feels like we have known each other for quite some time. I dont know what to say - you guys seem to think I should go for it and kiss him. But we talked so many times about these things and I know he doesnt want anything like that because I am leaving soon. I agree with him in a way. except I think we have many feelings for each other anyways so either we'll be sad or just a little bit more sad when I leave - it really doesnt matter so much. But the question is valid: why do we need the sex if it's already really nice anyway?
Later I asked him if he could come say goodbye to me at the airport. He will be working when I leave - but he said: "I will guard you anyway." That gave me wet eyes.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
the chinese secret service boy - part 3
Yeah, there IS a part 3.
After having failed to meet two nights in a row, with either him bailing out or me (because of general bitchiness), we met for a dinner date tonight.
I was waiting for the chinese secret service boy in the bus terminal, in my rather funky style clothes and someone turned up wearing an elegant grey shirt and black pants. Shit, I did tell him that I wanted to go to a NICE place but I thought a shirt would have been overdressed... So there he was, the chinese secret service boy, looking quite stunning and having a huge smile on his face - then opening up his arms and giving me a huge hug. That was refreshing and very sweet of him. Then, I presented him with a choice of about 6 restaurants. He doesnt eat thai, and japanese...how strange!!!
There is light.
We went to the expensive asian-western fusion place that won quite a few national awards. I told him it's expensive but he didnt mind - and neither did I. This is the first time we met in daylight and the first time we walked around together - and it felt quite nice. This was the be a proper date.
Arrived at the restaurant, he commented how good my shirt looks and he even ordered me to stand up and turn around so he could see again. I obliged. We dined for about 2 hours and talked and talked and talked about many many things. Sometimes I would just look at his face, especially his mouth and his very soft looking lips and just watch - while faintly hearing his voice talking about something. (this man likes to talk a lot!!!) We really had a great time, when he suddenly stopped and said: "There are some things I need to tell you." oops, was he married? or does he have a boyfriend? No. "my name is not really xxxx, it's xxxy." I was not shaken; in Thailand everyone has at least two names. And the second thing: "I work as an air traffic controller." Ok, no spy boy he is then...how should we call him now? jacob. He is jacob, that's the first, "not real" name of his. Of course jacob had to annoy me this evening as well, otherwise he wouldnt be jacob. But this time I turned the situation around. Suddenly he started talking to this waitress and asked her to sit with us. They even exchanged phone numbers. Outside, the waitress's boyfriend was waiting for her and jacob said goodbye to her and him and said seomthing about the number. Why did he do that? He IS gay, so he doesnt want to flirt with a girl....I told him. "jacob you realise that your actions can be misunderstood by people?". He rightly detected that I was a bit angry and jealous but also I told him that if I were the waitress's boyfriend i would be really really jealous now. He gave me a hug and said: "awwwww, that's so cute". Then we discussed how he feels much more comfortable talking to girls than to guys and for some reason we were talking about his face and looks. I said: "your skin looks really good...so even" and he blushed. Then he drove me home and we listened to some love songs. He put on his favourite song and stopped at a redlight a bit prematurely, saying "I want you to stay in the car a bit longer so we can finish the song". Arrived at my home, we hugged each other a lot longer and there was a odd moment as to what to do with our heads.
I couldnt stay longer and do more because my good friend, the hong kong glam queen, whose flat I am occupying had to wait for ages for me in order to enter her flat (I had the key......). That was silly of me to forget her, really silly. But apparently my mind was on something (someone) else.
This date was decidedly different from before. We are getting really acquainted to each other. He is a one of these guys that want to be conquered and dont take initiative. I generally dont really like these kind of people, as I am never ever sure as to how much they want to see me. But I do know jacob much better now and I start teasing him. However, my desire to touch him is not growing smaller at all. I am really feeling something for this man, the butterflies are flying joyfully in my tummy and I am happy to experience this feeling. I had forgotten how it feels.
Anyhow, watch this space, we are going to see at least part 4 and probably part 5 too. Tomorrow we are going on a road trip and for tuesday, I asked jacob to come to the airport with me to say goodbye. This will surely turn out to be a bittersweet story.
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