Meet the parents

Tomorrow I am off to Korea. Well, I nearly missed my flight in the first place. I am departing from Suvarnabhumi at 1.15am. Have you ever had a flight departing just after midnight?

They are tricky I tell you. Everyone asks you, so when do you leave? And you are like....ahmmm, Saturday (since 7 November is a Saturday). Or should you be: Well Friday night....but it's actually Saturday already.

Anyway, you already know what happened. I thought I am leaving on Saturday evening and made up a breakfast date (with my professor...) on Saturday. I just thought I'd better check the ticket for the time and bingo, I am leaving a day earlier....Saturday but kinda Friday.

You get the point, I nearly missed my flight and would have not made it to Korea. Thank you professor for asking me out for a breakfast date.

In Korea, it's going to be autumn. I kind of miss the seasons here in Bangkok, although we did have a cool day the other day. It was about 24 degrees and everybody was raving about the weather on facebook and twitter. I saw that last week in nearly snowed in Seoul, but this week it's meant to be 24 degrees. That's quite crazy!!!

The boyfriend is in Korea with his parents, and I am going to meet his dad for the first time. I saw mum when she came to Thailand earlier this year and she's nice. Her face looks like my boyfriend's, especially when they smile, and they are very alike in their cheekiness.

I have talked to dad a few times on the telephone when we used to live in New Zealand. I told him that the boyfriend is at work (in Korean). I have forgotten how to say it though. From what I heard, dad is a calm but lovely man. I am very curious to see how they boyfriend's dad is like, because I see his son nearly every day! They must have a lot in common...

I nearly booked a hotel for my stay in Korea. We are going to be based in Seoul, where the parents live, but also travel through the country a bit. The boyfriend's dad however got really angry when he found out about this and said that I must stay at their place. That's very nice of him!

Sine I got invited to the boyfriend's family home, I had to get some gifts of course. I really like to be generous with gifts. I dont know why, but I just love to see someone's face when they are happy because of something you gave them.

But what to give? It's hard enough for parents (especially for dads!!!) but even harder for someone I have never met....I knew that the bf's dad likes to paint, and is good at it. Actually, the whole family either paints or makes music (boyfriend) or takes pictures (boyfriend's sisters). So, it had to be something artsy.

I came up with something risky; this:


In university I once learnt that there are three things that one should not talk about when meeting a stranger: politics, sex and religion. I am not only violating the religion part but also buying a piece of art, which is a very subjective thing in the first place.

But the picture is so gorgeous (and the boyfriend's dad is at least buddhist, the mum is catholic though) that I had to get it.

For the boyfriend's mum, it was much easier:


Elephants always do the trick in Thailand...and the thing to the right (I dont know how you call this....a wind chime?) is just so pretty!

I got all these things from the same shop, in Paragon....gosh....I had never even been to the souvenir section of Paragon. They had silk there that cost 8000 baht......from that moment on I was a bit scared of looking at prices. But then I found an area with things from the North, which is where I got my presents. They were good value (I would probably pay a third on a market though...).

Then again, the ladies there really had nothing to do and I felt sorry for them somehow. Besides, the goods are very good quality there.

Personally, I find it a bit hard to get souvenirs from Thailand for someone. Actually, there's a total overload of possible souvenirs in Bangkok, but I just havent really found that "one stop shop" for cute, artsy and not too expensive things. Do you have any suggestions?

Later, I went to the Paragon supermarket, where they have the Thai Gourmet Food section. Ohmygod, that is my favourite part of the whole mall. I got dried squid with Thai sweet chili sauce, crispy pork, Thai wafers, dried mangoes and bananas....mhmmmmm, and they let you try everything too!

That's it now, I have to pack (and finish watching America's Next Top Model). See you in KOREA!!!


By the way. Thank you so much for writing me to all the people who reacted to my "growing up-series". I am glad you found it heart warming (as one reader said).

To be honest, I felt confused after writing all these blog entries (I wrote them all in one go). I had just rushed through my childhood and teenage years in 3 hours....and suddenly, here I was in Bangkok on a Saturday morning....

Winter in Bangkok, No Loy Krathong for me

Wow, I am sitting here in my condo with the windows open and a cool breeze running over my skin. It's so nice! I didnt have that feeling in months. Last night, I slept without the aircon, for the first time in months too. I just left the sliding door to my balcony open.

Bangkokians are loving the arrival of winter. Literally all my Thai friends on facebook and on twitter comment on how they love the cool breeze. People who live in colder countries might now think we are crazy, but the hot weather here is actually not just fun.

I went out to Siam last night, and saw that a lot of people are layering their clothes already. Ah, the fashion conscious Bangkok kids. Not missing the opportunity to show off their cute jumpers or jackets a few times a year. The guards at my condo also wear heavy jackets and complain about the cool...

By the way...we are talking about 22 degrees here, and a bit more during the day.

All the other bloggers wrote about their Loy Krathong festival. I can too, but mine was not fun at all. I tried to meet my fellow blogger from Las Pilipinas, Kawadjan himself with his Pinoy gang.

This year, they decided they wanted to go to Chulalongkorn University for the celebration. I have also heard it's nice there so we were meant to meet there around 7pm. It was packed, like really packed.

The famous Thai organisation skills also added to the chaos - they only opened two gates of 2metres width for thousands of people to enter AND exit the campus. There was chaos, and pushing and an old lady pushed so hard into me, I suddenly thought she stole my wallet. At this moment I was actually SURE she stole me wallet, so I ran out of the crowd to check my bag.

At this stage I had my phone in my hand. I found my wallet and was really, really relieved. I didnt really fancy calling my credit card offices overseas and lose all sorts of other souvenirs and cards I have in my wallet!

In this moment I must have done something with my phone. I think I put it down on the ground. No idea, but it was not there anymore when I got back 5 minutes later. I went to MBK straight away, to check out new phones. Hahaha, my reaction was so immediate.

But I couldnt meet my friends because there's no way in finding friends in such a busy event. No Loy Krathong for me, but the boyfriend is away anyway, so it wouldnt be so romantic...

I did finally get a new phone yesterday. But lost all my contacts, so all my old "friends" from my more active single times are now deleted. That's ok though...

I am not sure if readers liked the series on my past. It was a bit long I must admit. The main purpose was just to show readers "my story". I always think it's interesting to hear or read about the way a gay person grows up, finds out about his own interests, not just sexual but also emotional. The first gay kiss, the first love, the first pain and how we deal with it.

In my case, the family, especially mum has been very sweet with me. I am thankful I can talk to her about problems, but often wish they would all live a bit closer to me...or I a bit closer to them rather!

The reader's reactions have been cold. There wasnt much feedback and only one person bothered to write a bit about their own story. That's ok though. I understand.

When I read other blogs, I dont have the energy to comment anymore. I dont know why but I just dont feel like contributing to an argument or making a point anymore. It's a bit ironic, because we all like to get a lot of comments on our posts, yet we dont comment on other blogs...

I did see on Google Analytics though that the time people spent on the site was much higher than before. 3 minutes is the average that people spend on my blog, before it was 1 minute. Not very much considering the effort that has to be put into the blog.

Thank you anyway to all the loyal readers, and I hope you did enjoy reading some of my experiences and the few pictures I added too. That meant a lot to me actually.

Me growing up – part 5: the family and me being gay

Papi and mami

After he broke up with me, the first thing I did was calling mum and tell her about what happened. Actually, I told my parents that I had a boyfriend just after I got together with him. They were not happy, but I lived far away and saw them less and less.

I don't know what they thought at the time, but mum and I went on a trip to Paris where she and I got drunk together. That’s the first time we openly talked about me having a boyfriend and whom we would tell and whom not.

During that time, I didn't have a close relationship with my parents. I lived 2 hours train ride away and didn't go home to see them often, because I rather spent my weekend with my boyfriend.

I don't know how things changed, but over time, everything went better. I invited my boyfriend to my home sometimes, where he met my parents. They got along well and even met his parents once. But I lived a life where my parents didn't play a big role.

This changed over time, especially after I came back from New Zealand, where I met my second boyfriend, a New Zealander. To be honest, it was a relationship to forget. We shared nothing. We just had a good time with each other watching movies and doing other stuff…

Back in Switzerland I had a long-distance relationship with him and I was staying with my parents a lot. Our bond grew a lot, but I don't think we discussed gay things so openly.

This was in 2005. Now, things are very different. I talk very openly with my mum, and she asks about my boyfriend. Dad even met him when he came to Thailand they seemed to get along ok. While I was not so sure of my relationship once, mum said something sweet: “you know you can always come to me if you have relationship problems, maybe I can help you”.

On Christmas, the boyfriend will be with me in Switzerland, the first time I will be at a family Christmas in 6 years! Christmas itself doesn't mean much to me, but as a family event, it means a lot to me.

The fact that my boyfriend will be able to join makes it very exciting. Every year I got sent pictures from Christmas including my brother’s and my cousin’s girl- and boyfriends. This year, my cousin even has a baby. Times really do change…and I am not very old yet.

From what I hear from other friends, I am actually quite an average case. I know this is a generalisation, but I heard a lot of times that gay sons get closer to their mum over time but not really to their dads.

I am close to my dad, but we don't talk about relationship issues. I wouldn't even think of doing it. I don't know if I should, or if it’s totally ok to not talk about such issues with my dad.

I am really proud though that my grandparents (I still have all 4!) get to meet my boyfriend. Even though by now, everyone in the family knows I am gay, I want to be open with them and proudly present them my darling.

Grandma, grandad, my brothers and dad

My grandad is getting old and I am their oldest grandchild. Maybe they were hoping for great-grandchildren from me. They know by know there is no big chance for that, but now they have their great-grand child from my cousin.

The other grandparents.

I think there are a lot of issues related to my story that are worth discussing. I can think of many cultural issues for example. Most of my friends now are Asian and the way they grow up can be a bit different from my upbringing.

I was incredibly free. I lived away from home after I turned 19 and lived at least half a dozen time zones away since I was 21. My boyfriend’s parents for example are separated and his mum knows about him being gay and I even met her. But I am only going to meet his dad next week.

Coming out to family is a big issue we have to go through. We all do it differently. Some of us tell it while Gloria Gaynor is blasting “I will survive”, others will just slowly leak information to their parents, others chose never to talk about it even though everyone knows, again others get thrown out of their house, maybe even their families.

I realise I am privileged to have such a family and want to thank them for being so kind to me. See you at Christmas!

Me growing up – part 4: the first boyfriend - officially gay

My university

Soon after this, I moved to the East of the country, to start university. That was in 2002 and I was 19. Since then, I live away from home. Coincidentally, the curly boy from the gay party lived only 20 minutes away from me. We met up once and I was so happy to see him. He was so cute. I still remember his little jeans jacket and curly head!

We went up to the highest building of the city and I wanted to hug him, but nothing happened yet. The week after, we met again at his place over lunch for just a bit more than an hour. We had lunch and went up to his room, where we hugged each other tightly.

It was a very nice feeling and I had tears running down my cheeks just because of sheer happiness. We were a couple. This was Halloween 2002, exactly 7 years ago.

Actually, we were not allowed to stay together though, because his parents didn't allow him. We tricked his mum (a staunch and stubborn Italian lady) though and on the first night together (new year’s night!) we finally slept with each other.

It was nothing special actually. I don't remember anything of the sex that we had, in all our 1.5 years as a couple. It just wasn't important I think.

We even went to his high school prom together as a couple, and soon, youth from around the region knew us. We became something like a model couple for the gays that knew us, and we took pride in showing everyone that we were a couple.

After he turned 16, things changed for a better, and his family, who always accepted him very well as a gay person (he came out to them by playing them “I am what I am” in the car radio and then telling them that he was gay – SO CLICHÉ!!! But courageous, at 15!) accepted me as his partner too.

Especially me and his mum had a great relationship, and they even took me on holidays to Croatia and to their family home in Parma/Italy once. She told us however that we couldn't make out in front of her dad and we had to sleep in separate beds.

Things took their course and after vicious fighting and bitching, he left me. I was in a lecture and he promised to cook for me, when I was home. When I arrived, no one was there and he didn't take his phone for over a half an hour. Then, he took it and broke up with me.

We are still friends now and get along very well, although there are things about him I don't like so much now. But a bond will always remain somehow. He even asked me if he can stay with me here in BKK (he would be here right now) but I politely declined.

Me growing up – part 3: definitely gay

After the summer break, the gossip made its rounds and everyone in class knew I had a crush on that guy, except that guy himself. This was odd. Then, a girl got closer and closer to me, we became great friends, had talks until late at night. Later I found out she just wanted to know more about him, and they finally became a couple themselves for a few years.

Most of the class hated her for her behaviour and didn't talk to her anymore. A few months ago, after not seeing her for 7 years or so, I met her in Luang Prabang, Laos, by chance….imagine that!!!

For my family, things must have started to clear up. Maybe things didn't get clear for them at all, and they got confused by the pictures of this guy next to my bed. Who knows, it’s a bit embarrassing to ask: “mum did you realise I was gay when I put up these pictures of my high school crush”?

Things never worked out, and understandably, the guy was a bit angry after he found out that I liked him months after the other classmates knew. Then, I had two quick crushes on guys from other classes. They were really cute, I remember exactly.

One guy, blond and the other guy with black hair and big brown eyes and a tiny goatee. Looking back, I think he is half-Asian, but I couldn't know. I started doing crazy stuff, like going to the blond guy’s basketball games. I somehow got the black-haired guy’s number and wrote him sms. This is the time when I got my first mobile too, at about 18.

I started getting sentimental about things. After volleyball training, I drove up to the hill and parked my car at a place with nice view. I just waited there and listened to music. Then I drove home past the black-haired guy’s home and thought of him…

Thanks to my friend and his gay friend, I also got to know gay people. He initiated a weekly meeting for young gays. We just hung out, drank some soft drinks and ate chips. That was the time when I was introduced to “gay-dom”.

I found it odd. The way people spoke, and especially the way they interacted. Everyone would just hug each other. It was really strange. The boys would just sit on the couch and cuddle.

I never took part in that. There was a couple, I remember their names. Marcel and Markus. For everyone, they were the model couple, but even they hugged everyone else.

I have no idea whether any of these people liked me, but I did like one of the guys. But I was way to shy to say anything, that guy was obviously beyond my reach, I decided.

We organised parties with this group, where the other regional groups from the whole country would meet. We were something like an early group of gay “activists” who took part in something, and that was nice.

The biggest change in my gay life came when at one of these parties, there was a little guy with a cute smile and big curly hair. He was 15 at the time and I remember my gay friend talking about “my 15-year old” all the time.

At the party, the curly boy kept being near me, even sitting on my lap. My straight friend, who came to the party with me told me: hey….he likes you, grab him. But I had no idea what he meant. Later, when I left, we exchanged numbers. I really missed him when I was home and felt deeply happy. He sent me a cute SMS and I think deep down I knew I found someone special.

Only a few weeks before that though, I went to Zurich to a gay club for the first time. I started online dating, and beside a 20+ year old model (whom I never met), this older guy fancied me. I thought, why not meeting him, since he wanted to bring me to this club.

I went to his home and he wanted to massage me. I thought, why not. Then, he asked me to remove my pants. I was not prepared to do that, and luckily some other young boy arrived to come with us. I didn't really like being out in the club. People kissed each other everywhere to greet and I found this odd. I went home early and made a mistake. The first time ever I kissed a guy was a goodbye kiss from that old guy on my mouth…ah well.

Me growing up - part 2: boys or girls?

I don't remember what started to get me sexually interested. In primary school though, I had many girlfriends. We made out in secret places, met after school and once I even dumped one for another girl, who in hindsight looks conspicuously boyish.

My primary school

I never thought of boys, because in an environment where boys date girls, why would a boy date a boy. I never questioned my actions.

I also played football from early age and in Europe, as usual, there are communal showers. In hindsight, this is where I got interested in boys. Oddly, I never found it strange that when I touched myself at home after the football trainings, I thought of my teammates. How could I not find this strange?

I did try to think of a female classmate once, just to try out thinking about girls, because I did wonder a bit, but it wasn't satisfying. I also had a picture of a Swedish tennis player next to my bed, Mikael Tillstrom. I must have found him cute…

My tennis crush - cant find another picture:(

I don't know if my parents had any idea of what was slowly happening with me at that time. Maybe I should ask them. I used to sleep over at my cousin’s during the holidays we would do stuff. And sometimes my football teammates would stay over and we would do stuff too.

Our clothing style during childhood and teenage years if often a bit of a giveaway, and I want to talk to my parents about this. I wonder what clothes I chose and what clothes they gave me, but I do remember that I had a bit of an eccentric taste.

During my teenage years, I wasn't a bad boy. I never smoked, I never got in trouble, I didn't have bad friends. In fact, I didn't have many friends at all. Up to now, I have no contact whatsoever with anyone from my home village.

The good friendships and the real changes started in my high school years. In the meantime, I changed from football to volleyball and hence fantasised about my volleyball friends…J

My high school

In my early high school years, I made a new best friend. We are still best friends now, even though we meet only every year or so, when I am back home. We always discussed girl issues, but suddenly, I did not have my stories to tell him anymore, but only listened to his.

My last girlfriend was during that time, I must have been about 16. I liked her and I still remember her hair smelled really nice. She broke up with me 1 day before my birthday, and for some time, my parents blamed this experience on the fact that I was more interested in boys. (I just found her on facebook and added her…lets see if she is married already…)

After that, I also had my last girl crush. This girl strangely had the same last name as my last girlfriend, but I was too shy to ever really talk to her. I used to go on bike rides to her village and just riding past her house made me feel good. Strangely, she did notice my approaches, but mistook them for my best friend’s. They nearly got together as a couple even!!!

Then, it was finished with girls and this started when a classmate talked to me about his gay friend. This was the first time I ever contemplated gay and from day 1, I somehow knew I belonged to this group.

We didn't have internet at that time, but when that came, the changes were huge. I was 18 at the time, and for the first time, I had a crush on a guy, a classmate. He still looks handsome today I think, but it’s amazing how quickly Western people age…

The first time I told anything of this to anyone was after a school party. At that time I just got my driver’s licence, and that changed my life. It was virtually impossible to go anywhere before, but now that I could drive, I could go anywhere. Of course, I couldn't drink, but I wasn't into drinking anyway.

I remember this night very well. It was just before the summer break. I drove another friend of mine home after the party, and I felt immense feelings that night. I cannot remember why but something got into me.

I told him, that I needed to tell him something and that I liked someone in our class. He started off with a few girl-names, and I saw no. Then, he said suddenly the guy’s name, and I said yes.

It was actually quite funny, because he later told me that he was so stoned, he didn't remember whether I really told him this story or whether he dreamt it.

Me growing up – part 1: the childhood and my family

In our social environment, there’s three things that matter the most: family, friends and (potentially) a boyfriend. Of all these three, we have the most lasting and also deepest ties of all with our family.

This is of course because we have (ideally) grown up together and our parents, grandparents, sisters and brothers and perhaps even uncles and aunties have been with us for as long as we live.

Our ancestors also gave us their genes and because of that, we are bound to look similar, act similar, have similar talents etc…

Now, I am very well aware that families and our relationship to families or even just parents differ immensely. Some parents separate and we, as sons, form close bonds with mum, or dad, or both, or even none at all.

I know people that are brought up by their uncle and aunties, some that have even been kicked out of their home because they are gay, others don't even know their real parents and are adopted.

Because of this variety, I want you to know that this story is personal. You will probably recognise a lot of yourself and your relationship with your parents, but you might also not.

I am blessed with a great pair of parents. I think they couldn't have done a better job raising me and I am so thankful of the way they have treated me over the last 26 years.

When I was born, my mum was 22 and dad was 27. That’s really young I think. I was an accident and not meant to be born, I don't know if the condom ripped or who knows what, but I wasn't meant to be born. I am still here though:)

I look at old pictures, and mum was a girl, a pretty one too! Dad had a moustache and long wavy hair (I am growing mine too at the moment, and it is exactly the same).


My village

We lived in a big house, on the second floor. On the ground floor, dad’s sister, her husband and their four children, and a big furry dog complemented the house.

I cant remember much of the time we had there, because we moved when I turned 6. I remember though, that I used to like dressing up a bit. I think that’s quite a typical early sign of the gayness. But, I loved cars. Maybe because they feared that I was a bit prissy and girly, the parents got me many little cars. And I knew them all, played with them while mum was in her knitting shop serving customers.

We used to go on holidays to Tuscany every summer, drive down with our red Toyota Celica with our tent. Swiss people, when they go on holidays, have a craving to see the sea, because there is none at home. And so we drove to the beach.

grandad and mum

In winters, we used to go to Austria, with grandad (who is Austrian) and his sister. I was everyone’s darling and wore outrageous skiing clothes, which were in fashion in the late ‘80s I suppose.

Then, when I turned 7 and went to kindergarten, we moved to our own home. Just around the block from the old two-family house, we were now to have our own home.

I don't know if mum and dad planned to have a bigger family, or if they just wanted to have their own place. In the same year, my brother was born. He was the only one who wasn't an accident because three years later, I got another brother (who wasn't planned again).

Between my two brothers and me yawns a gap of 7 respectively 10 years. This is actually quite a lot, considering I left home when I was 19 (and my youngest brother was 9). It’s difficult to build up a relationship with your brothers like when the age difference is so big and you live thousands of kilometres away from each other. But with time, that will come for sure.

My middle brother is the odd one out. He is blonde, has blue eyes and is the quiet studious type. He’s very shy, and, sadly, we don't talk so much. I am trying to change this, but again, it’s hard when you live so far apart.

My younger brother and me are closer. When I am at home, he will ask me to do lots of things with him. We go and play football, we play videogames and we even cook together sometimes. He is very chatty and liked by everyone.

Interestingly, both have had girlfriends for nearly two years, and both girlfriends are quite butch country-girls. I am a bit different in that way I suppose...:)

by, the way, I will try to find pictures I can upload when I go home this december...it should be fun to see me as a youngster:)